The Hamilton Spectator

I’m mad at my boyfriend for being unaccounta­ble


I don’t understand my boyfriend. We recently moved in together and it’s mostly great. We both work out of the house, and we often leave together. On our walk, we talk about our day, any plans we may have for later that day and anything else on our minds. If we have a plan for that night, like dinner with friends or a show, I usually call him later in the afternoon to discuss logistics.

But any other plans that we discuss, such as a vacation or a wedding we’ve been invited to attend or summer plans, all seem to go in one ear and out the other. I am a very organized person: I use the calendar on my phone and plug-in reminders and I also have a paper calendar on the pinboard in our kitchen. It’s nearly impossible to not know when something is happening if I’ve marked it down, which I do religiousl­y.

I’ve asked him if he has other ways of keeping track of his appointmen­ts. No. I asked him how he managed when we lived apart. Silence. That’s when I told him I wasn’t his mother and wouldn’t be making his appointmen­ts for him. Now he’s mad at me for apparently making a big stink over nothing. But I’m mad at him for being unaccounta­ble. Organized chaos

I feel your pain. I have similar issues with different people in my family. Text your boyfriend to meet you after work for a drink. Text him the time and place. I’m certain he’ll show up. Once there, tell him how much you’re enjoying living together, but you see some areas that need work for continued partnershi­p. Then explain what you would like: accountabi­lity and responsibi­lity, and discuss how together you can achieve that.

Then give him the chance to make a request from you if he has a legitimate grievance — not just tit-for-tat.

Backing up, if he doesn’t show up, you have a bigger problem.

My daughter has a condition that flares up out of nowhere. When it does, she can’t go to school and doesn’t want to see anyone or even speak to her friends. My husband and I both work out of the house but, of course, share in the care of our daughter when she’s ill. It can happen once a month, twice a month or not at all for several months. It’s basically impossible to plan for.

My boss just told me that it’s disruptive to the office when I don’t show up without at least a few days’ notice. I agreed, and explained how disruptive it is to our family and especially our daughter when her condition rears its ugly head rendering her in pain, discomfort and tears, without notice.

He told me that, if it happens again, he’s going to have to talk to our head office.

Is this guy for real? Did he skip the COVID era when people had to stay home for weeks on end when the virus went from child to child to spouse and then finally you got it? What happened to sick days?

Surprise Symptoms

I strongly suggest you speak to your HR department right away. Every company has their own specific guidelines to follow, but I’m pretty sure that, with the ability for so many profession­s to work from home, having a sudden sick child to care for is no longer overly problemati­c. Sure, it can cause a hiccup, but nothing that can’t be worked around.

Find out what is and isn’t allowed so that, if your direct boss gets huffy the next time you need to stay home, you are armed with the correct informatio­n.

Feedback Regarding the family who moved out to the country (Feb. 20):

Reader “Sounds odd. Why would a mother, nervous about driving at night and uneasy when she’s alone, move to a ‘remote’ house, far from all family? Especially when she has three children, including one with special needs, and a husband who is away every fourth week?

“It sounds as if she — and her husband — are trying to escape something. Maybe financial or marital problems, maybe stress and anxiety because of the child with challenges, that they imagine will disappear in a pastoral setting.”

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