Be­ing a smaller mole

The Labradorian - - Editorial -

U.S. Pres­i­dent Don­ald Trump is busy. Very busy. He’s up to his neck in trade wars with China, promis­ing bil­lions of dol­lars of tar­iffs against that coun­try’s prod­ucts.

He’s com­ing up with his own world-view on how many peo­ple died after hur­ri­cane Maria hit Puerto Rico, claim­ing his ad­min­is­tra­tion did a great job there. (De­spite the fact the ac­cepted num­ber of deaths in Puerto Rico from the storm is al­most as many as died in 9/11.)

He’s fight­ing with Canada over the North Amer­i­can Free Trade Agree­ment, toss­ing down off­hand end-of-days threats about the au­to­mo­bile in­dus­try or the dairy in­dus­try al­most ev­ery sin­gle day.

Some­times, it’s like he’s got a ham­mer in both hands, and he’s just look­ing for his lat­est tar­get.

But when you’re one of the moles in the great Trump whack-a-mole game, maybe the point should be to be the small­est mole, or at least to be sure, some­where on the ta­ble, that there’s a big­ger one.

(Please do not take this ed­i­to­rial en­tirely se­ri­ously.)

It’s well known that Pres­i­dent Trump is a liv­ing, breath­ing ex­am­ple of “you are what you eat.” His Twit­ter pro­nounce­ments can of­ten be di­rectly tied to what he watches on tele­vi­sion, and of­ten, be­cause of his view­ing choices, what he watches on Fox News. Is­sues that Fox raises be­come is­sues that Trump raises.

So, maybe we should be mak­ing our­selves the small­est tar­get pos­si­ble — stay­ing un­der his radar com­pletely.

Not a peep. Not a sound. Take shel­ter dur­ing the storm and wait for it to in­evitably move on to things that make bet­ter theatre.

Or maybe, just maybe, we should be work­ing hard to make a big­ger mole.

You could just start a faux scan­dal to place the blame on some­one else. Raise a stink about Moldova’s trade im­bal­ance with the U.S., or the way the Mal­dives are out to get Don­ald Trump’s rel­a­tives and seize their busi­ness in­ter­ests. But then again, it would hardly be fair to di­rect all that rage on an­other real and un­de­serv­ing vic­tim.

Maybe, we could just in­vent a whole new na­tion to be the tar­get.

Maybe the Euro­pean Union, China and Canada could jointly fi­nance a blan­ket Fox News ad­ver­tis­ing cam­paign on the anti-amer­i­can trade in­ten­tions of Ocean­ton, or else one that high­lights Nar­costan, that evil coun­try of ridicu­lously vi­o­lent drug gangs work­ing to sup­plant MS 13 and take over the U.S. drug trade. (And don’t say that it couldn’t be be­lieved: there’s a fair amount of record­ings of Trump that sug­gest he be­lieves the U.S. F-35 is an in­vis­i­ble fighter jet.)

Let’s make our­selves a smaller mole, or in­vent a big­ger one.

Be­cause there’s ab­so­lutely no chance that Don­ald Trump is go­ing to stop whack­ing things.

The best plan is to have him find some­one else worth whack­ing.

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