Horoscopes

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

You will have something to do with bats in the near future. Or maybe in the recent past. In any case, bats will enter your life at some point.

Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)

You will have ambiguous experiences with elephants this week. Not necessarily real ones, they might be elephant pins or stuffed elephants or something. Be aware.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)

You will eat something you really like this week. Remember it and try to have it again sometime soon. If you forget, it’ll be a lot harder to find it again.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Fall is coming. Take the opportunity to go on walks, visit some parks, and step on every crunchy leaf you can find.

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

You likely have a lot of cat hair on your clothes. A lint roller may bring you luck. Or at least get rid of the cat hair.

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)

You will find a good spot to read this week. Keep track of it – it’ll come in handy later.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Be nice to bugs. They haven’t done anything wrong, and they’re cute. Especially snails. Are snails bugs? Be nice to them regardless, it’s not their fault if they’re not bugs.

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

Assuming it rains this week, catch some raindrops on your tongue, it’ll make you happy. If it doesn’t rain, I have no advice for you.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)

Sometime soon, hold out your hand to a campus squirrel. You might get a high-five.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)

This is the week to try something new. Make a soufflé, learn to sew, go ziplining, use a new attachment on your vaccuum cleaner.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Call an old friend to see how they’re doing, catch up, reconnect. Or an old enemy to see how they’re doing, catch up, brag about your successes.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Buy one of those little plastic bottles full of soap and blow some bubbles this week. Bubbles are underrated.