Engaging Men Boys to End Violence

MOVING FORWARD

M ales hold most of the positions of authority in Muslim communities,and so they are going to need to take the lead in combating domestic violence both rhetorically and in practice. They must promote Islamic masculinity within communities and within families. When the community embraces the Islamic model of masculinity in which men struggle for women’s equality, then the original, gender-equal readings of the Qur’an will begin to be actualized. When men are taught that women are full and equal partners in the community, and mold their experiences to mirror that knowledge, then they will embody the belief that men and women should be equal partners in all spheres of life. Once so embodied, it will make no sense for men to have power over women, and it will certainly make no sense for them to have the right to cause them any harm, just as men do not have power over, nor the right to harm, any other member of the community. What will be required from religious leaders and community members, then, is a two-pronged approach to combating domestic violence. First, Muslim leaders must continue to teach their communities that there is no place in Islam for domestic violence, that the Qur’an and the Prophet condemn patriarchy, and that any readings to the contrary are corruptions of the original message. Second, the Islamic masculinity of the Prophet’s community must become part of religious rhetoric and practice, such that Muslim masculinity is understood to be a struggle against institutions and practices that disempower women. Muslim communities must affirm and model the Prophetic ethos in which women are empowered socially, economically, and politically. This will address the underlying pernicious attitudes that lead to women’s disempowerment in general, and to domestic violence in particular. This will require regular conversations amongst community members and regular re-enforcement from community leaders. To aid this process, we have provided twelve discussion topics through which Muslim communities can explore and discuss how better to emulate the Qur’anic and Prophetic model. They are in briefed: 1. The Qur’anic Message on Gender Equality The Qur’an links radical monotheism with the radical equality of all humans before God, regardless of social distinctions, like race, class, gender, etc. The Qur’an recognizes that people are created with varied lineages, cultures, and genders, but portrays these differences as a “test”...... 2.The Qur’anic Message on Islamic Masculinity Men are often taught that success is found in achieving more and more power, whether that power is primarily political, economic, or social. And so, men are frequently found competing with one another in a race for greater power.... 3.The Prophetic Message on Gender Equality The Prophet’s example is replete with the promotion of gender equality. The very story of his prophethood is embedded in a story that subverts patriarchal gender norms. He met his first wife Khadījah as her employee. She hired him, proposed to him, believed in his prophethood, was the first convert to Islam, and financially supported his prophetic mission....... 4. The Prophet’s Model of Masculinity Numerous ḥadīth document the Prophet’s vision of manhood; a vision that challenges widely held notions of masculinity. The Prophet encouraged men to control their tempers, to struggle against their own desires, and to elevate the needs of others above themselves. He stressed the equality of all peoples, and that strong belief is reflected in a commitment to empower those in a weaker social position, including women.. 5. Combating Corrupt Readings of the Scriptural Texts The Qur’an and the Prophet both came with a message of radical equality, breaking down artificial distinctions that humans impose upon one another. Instead of being treated differently based on race, class, gender, social standing, or lineage, the Islamic message in these texts taught that human beings are one family, and that the only thing that distinguishes individuals is Godconsciousness (taqwa). 6. Combating Hegemonic Masculinity in Muslim Traditions Islam brings with it a challenge to transcend base desires and to actualize one’s best self in order to realize a world of equality and justice. This aspiration runs counter to many deeply entrenched cultures in which the powerful dominate the weak, and in which men dominate women. Some of these cultural ideas about dominance have seeped into Muslim discourse, so that today some people assume that Islam itself encourages inequality and gender injustice 7. An Islamic Model for Managing Marital Disputes Before the advent of Islam, women were severely undervalued in Arabian society. Perhaps the most dramatic demonstration of the status of women in pre-Islamic Arabian society was the practice of female infanticide. Girls were so undesirable and seen as such a burden to their families, that many families killed their daughters as soon as they were born. This practice is abhorred and prohibited in the Qur’an (Q. 81:8-9, 6:151). Instead, Islam – through the Qur’an and prophetic practice – offered a model for treating women as full members of society, starting from the family and expanding out to public roles. 8. Islam and Domestic Violence Some Muslims argue that husbands have the right to physically discipline their wives. Islamophobes latch onto this idea and denigrate Islam and Muslims by saying that Muslims permit wife-beating. However, Muslim scholars have made a strong case that Islam does not permit domestic violence of any sort, including intimate partner violence. If all humans have equal worth before God and we are called on to treat humans equally irrespective of race, class, 16 and gender, then it makes no sense for men to have arbitrary power and privilege over their wives, and it is certainly unacceptable for husbands to hit their wives. Even socially conservative and religiously orthodox countries like Saudi Arabia have instituted domestic violence laws, prohibiting domestic violence of any sort. The Prophet embodied the message of the Qur’an in this respect, never hitting his wives and instructing men to not hit their wives. Violence does not resolve problems, and in fact, only escalates marital disputes. In contrast, the Qur’an calls on couples to communicate, be reflective, and to deescalate conflict. 9. Islam and Women’s Access to the Mosque Perhaps the most radically egalitarian space in Islam is the mosque. The archetypal mosque is in Mecca, where men and women stand side-by-side and pray to the House of God. The idea of standing side-by-side, equal in humanity, equal before God, without any hierarchy between humans is a powerful idea. Women and men stand next to each other, erasing gender hierarchies. The rich and poor stand next to each other, erasing class hierarchies. People of different races stand next to each other, erasing racial hierarchies. In standing next to each other in prayer, Muslims understand that social differences and institutionalized discriminatory practices are aberrations that ought to be resisted and fought against. The Prophet’s mosque in Medina was a central communal space, it was ringed by the living quarters of Muhammad’s wives, so that his wives had full access to the mosque. Men and women prayed without a barrier separating one another. The fact that this equality between women and men was architecturally captured is significant. Today, many mosques are male-only spaces that do not even accommodate women. Many more relegate women to marginal spaces, where they are unseen and unheard, architecturally demonstrating how little women are valued in such communities. When men pray in spaces that discriminate against women, they enable and participate in the discrimination of women. It is necessary for everyone, but especially for men and boys who are privileged in the very spaces that disadvantage women to open up maleexclusive spaces and make women welcome and equal participants in them. 10.Islam and the Political Empowerment of Women The Qur’an broke down any hierarchy amongst men and women in political leadership by stating that women and men are “protectors, one of another” (9:71). Women and men are thereby granted equal political authority, as was demonstrated in the practice of the Prophet. Whether it was going out of his way to seek the counsel of women, or taking their oaths of citizenship, or appointing women as prayer leaders, the Prophet made sure to have women prominently represented.... 11. Islam and the Economic Empowerment of Women Patriarchal arrangements hurt men and women in various ways. The self-serving logic of patriarchy undervalues women’s economic potential, prohibiting them from participating in economic enterprises and then seeing them as financial burdens because they cannot contribute to the household economy. The financial burden that women represent in societies where they are barred from participating in financial and public realms is one of the main reasons that women were killed at birth in pre-Islamic Arabia...... 12. Islam and Women’s Right to DecisionMaking Islam gave women the right to make independent decisions in all aspects of life. Women have the full right to choose their spouses, control their finances, be educated, work, and socialize without the approval of anyone, male or female. As the ‘walking Qur’an’, the Prophet would not make unilateral decisions in his family; rather, he would respect and honor women’s rights to make their own decisions for themselves and to have joint decision-making power in the family. Women would debate with the Prophet on the finer points of Islamic law, and he would often abide by their arguments and decisions. The Prophet fought his malecentered society to give women these rights, and as heirs to the Prophet, believers must also ensure that women have the power to make independent, meaningful decisions for themselves, for their families, and for their communities.