Son watches TV while family goes under
Dear Amy: I am desperate, and so is my daughter- inlaw. My son is spending up to $ 400 a month on beer and cigarettes.
They have two children and a mortgage. He is on light duty at present and doesn’t make enough to cover expenses.
They have five credit cards and owe approximately $ 15,000. Our son can’t seem to understand that the escalating interest charges are rapidly increasing their debt. He just bought a new widescreen TV, despite his wife’s objections. He refuses to go to a counsellor.
Is there any way out for her? — FRIGHTENED FATHER
Dear Father: To start to dig out of this debt hole, your son would have to turn his paycheque over to his more responsible wife and adhere to an allowance.
This probably won’t happen.
Divorce is one way out ( although your daughter- inlaw will be on the hook for a portion of this debt). She can also try to bring in more money, though your son’s behaviour wouldn’t change. You could also jump in and essentially subsidize his lifestyle so he could watch his big-screen TV in peace.
Another way out is for the family to ride this train to the bottom, where they will face the painful and prolonged actual consequences of these choices. Eventually the credit cards will be cut off, and they’ll lose the house.
Maybe then your son will start to comprehend the connection between his choices and the financial and personal stress his family will endure.
Your daughter- in- law should research credit counselling through her local social service agency. She ( and you) should also consider attending Al-anon meetings (check al- anon.alateen.org for a local meeting).
Dear Amy: I am a 26- yearold man, about to have my first child with a very wonderful 24- year- old woman.
We are not married, and our families are supportive but keep hinting that marriage is the right thing to do. My girlfriend feels as if it’s a shotgun wedding situation.
What’s a good amount of time before I propose — without her second- guessing my intentions? — DAD-TO- BE
Dear Dad: I don’t love the term “shotgun wedding situation,” but for lack of a different way to describe it — it is, in fact, what you have.
What I mean is that this pregnancy has pulled you together into a family on a schedule other than what you had planned. It’s fine to cop to this. Marriages have been made on far flimsier ground.
If you want to marry the mother of your child, ask her now. You two should talk about whether you want to stroll down the aisle with a baby in utero or in a stroller.