Blue Christmas

Tips to help you cope with stress during the holidays

The death of someone close to you. The loss of a job. The daily stress of family, too much work and too many holiday obligations. For many of us, Christmas isn’t as fun as it looks in the commercials on television. Hard times can make the holidays tough for anyone. But there are ways to cope, say Canadian experts. — SHELLEY BOETTCHER, Calgary Herald

Here are 10 tips on getting through the holidays when you’re under stress.

First, reach out for support.

“I’m not talking about financial support. I’m talking about emotional well-being,” says Cindy Negrello, Canadian Mental Health Association director of client services and a therapist. “Chat with friends and family. Chat with your doctor. If you’re part of a church, chat with your minister or priest. A lot of firms may have after-support for job loss. Take advantage of that.”

Remember that many stressful situations — traffic jams, lineups — are completely out of your control.

Try meditation to slow your mind. “You don’t have to twist yourself into a pretzel or be all ‘woo-woo,’” says Tee Crane, a Vancouver-based life coach and mentor ( teecrane.strikingly.com), who helps teach an international program on resetting lives. “Just find a comfortable chair. Sit upright and relax your body. Allow your mind to just drift You can’t stop your mind from chattering, but you can choose whether or not you pay attention to it.” Every week, Negrello leads her staff through mindfulness sessions. “And if I had more time, I’d do them daily,” she says. “It really centres a person and resets our equilibrium. It helps blood flow go properly through our bodies and it helps us regain composure and relaxes us.” And — a bonus — it’s free to do, she notes. Lost your job? Remember, everyone handles things differently, and every situation is unique, says Negrello. No matter how you’re feeling, create a new daily routine, even if it’s cold outside. Maybe plan to have coffee every week with a friend or neighbour in a similar situation. Walk your dog at the same time every day. Work out. Or take a class. “You’ve gone from working 8-10-12 hours and being so busy. Now what do you do?” says Negrello. “You have to make a decision to change your routine so you’re not caught up in depression and feeling isolated.”

Got time? Volunteer.

“I truly believe that volunteering opens the door to new things,” says Negrello. “You have so many skills you can offer, especially as you get older. You have life experience. You have professional experience. You have a lot of things that maybe others don’t have to offer.”

Give less. Really.

If you’re unemployed, extra financial stress will only make things worse. And even if you have the money, do you need to buy presents for every single person you know? “People blow a ton of money to try to make others happy, but that’s a big stressor,” says Crane, who helps teach an international program for people wanting to reset their lives. Negrello agrees: “This isn’t the time to overspend on gifts because you want to save face, or overextend yourself so that you get sick.”

Take advantage of free things in your community — public skating, the public library, and free entertainment, especially during holidays.

“There are even a lot of church and community Christmas dinners this time of year that are free or of minimal cost,” Negrello notes. Not only will you save money and have fun, you’ll connect with new people and perhaps create new opportunity in your life.

Then there are the family gatherings.

For some, they’re fun. For others, not so much. If Aunt Abigail drives you crazy, spend time talking to another family member instead. “Know what your stressors are, and try to avoid them,” Negrello says. “If you tend to have a bit of a temper, recognize that and take a step back. Is it worth it?”

Be kind to yourself this time of year and always.

“Treat yourself like your own best friend,” Crane says. “When was the last time you looked in the mirror and told yourself you loved yourself? With most people, it’s ‘You’re stupid. You’re such an idiot.’ If you had a friend that talked like that to you, they probably wouldn’t be your friend for very long, but we talk to ourselves like that all the time.”

It almost goes without saying but try to eat well.

Limit caffeine and booze, and get enough rest and exercise, “even if you’re just taking a walk,” Negrello says.

Last but not least, remember that the holidays will be over soon, and a new year is always a good time for a fresh start.

Says Negrello: “And be mindful that things will get better.”