Beach getaway suddenly goes away

ASK AMY

My family has spent a week at a beach house every summer. My brother, sister and I — along with our families — have converged upon the house every year for a family reunion and vacation. My siblings and I buy groceries, make meals, and clean and fix whatever we can as a kind of payment for staying there.

Last summer, my parents offered to sell the house to one of us, and my sister was able to purchase it. She lives only an hour away, whereas my brother and I are only able to visit during the summer. I felt a sense of relief: The place that holds decades of memories would remain in the family.

As we made plans for this summer, I asked my sister what we could bring. She gave me a list of groceries and supplies, but then added that things would be “a little different” this year, as my brother and I would be expected to pay for our stay. She is charging about half of what a hotel in the area would cost, but I can’t afford to stay for more than two or three nights.

I don’t know what to do. I have always seen the house as our family house. It is legally in my sister’s name and I accept that she will make changes. But to be charged to stay there upsets me, in part because it makes me feel like a guest rather than a family member, and in part because of the financial strain. How do I express this to my sister? I don’t want to make our treasured vacation time awkward or full of resentment.

— THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE (THE BEACH) HOME

Being asked to pay your way doesn’t make you a guest, but a customer. And if your sister is turning you into a customer, then why is she also expecting you to bring supplies?

Some families successfully share vacation houses and each person pays an annual or per/night fee as a way to pay the bills. This is obviously not the case here.

Your sister is announcing that the house is no longer your family home, but her home. If you stayed for one or two nights this summer, I suspect that the magic would have drained out of this house.

If your parents had sold the house to someone outside the family, you would have to adjust to this loss. It is time for you to find another summer retreat.

“Upset Daughter” wrote about her father, who verbally bullied her regarding his hatred of “fat and bald” people. Here’s a useful phrase for her: “I hear your opinion and I respectfully disagree.” That’s all it is, his opinion.

— KJH I like it.