My ‘playboy’ partner calls his exes ‘baby’ and ‘doll’

Q: I’m 35, living for one year with my boyfriend, 62. I was the nurse for his mom.

I initially refused to date him because of his age and “playboy” reputation. But I saw how great and responsible he is towards his parents and close people. We started dating three years ago.

We’re happy but he complains that I’m insecure. He’s been divorced for 12 years and still takes care of his ex. I admire this, but she thinks she’s his wife-for-life and says she loves him. I heard him replying, “I love you.”

He’s afraid of telling her that I’m in his life. Whenever he talks to her, he ignores me, not wanting “to hurt her.” When I say that I’m uncomfortable, he says I’m shutting down the people he cares for because I’m insecure.

Before we met, he had a fling with a woman who convinced him that he fathered her child, now three years old. He loves the child even though he’s not the father. He constantly communicates with the mother (in an island country) throughout the day, claiming it’s just because of the child.

He owns a two-bedroom condo on her island. Mother and child stay in the guest room when he visits there, three to five nights every six weeks. With everyone he cares for, he says he loves them before he ends a call.

But on the phone with me, while he’s with the mother and child, he’ll never say it even though he’s shown me a text proving the woman knows I’m with him. When I comment about it, he says it’s my problem. I should be secure because he lives with me. Yet from the moment he wakes, he’s on his phone all day. The first names on it are the child’s mother and his ex-wife.

We both don’t work anymore. He owns/rents out properties, has employees, yet his constant excuse is, “I’m working.”

Whenever I ask for a little attention, he gets mad at me.

He said that though he loves me, he can’t marry me because I’m so insecure, especially about the two women in his life. He’ll stare at goodlooking women. But I’m not allowed to talk to/look at other men be.cause he thinks it’s disrespectful. He has a yacht, and I can’t look at other men’s yachts (I don’t) because he says it’s insulting to him

I’m fully committed to him and he has access to my phone anytime.

Though together a lot, the majority of that time he’s on his phone. The longest he’s off it is when we’re having sex. He even wants me to drive so he can be on his phone and still work. Is it wrong to feel threatened and be jealous? I love him, but he and these two women call each other “Baby” and “Doll.” Am I Insecure?

A: He’s given you reasons to feel insecure, but you’ve also chosen an unusual, insecure situation: you knew from early dating that he’s a generous-hearted “playboy” type, close to his ex-wife, an ex-girlfriend and his “accepted” child.

You must’ve soon learned that he has an expansive keep-busy lifestyle juggling property, employees, yacht care, trips to an island getaway, plus responsibilities to other people and is controlling with you.

He’s told you he loves you. And you love him. If you want this to last, you’d have to accept that he’s unlikely to change.

Otherwise, you’re young enough to have more chances at finding love again. Ellie’s Tip of the Day: Choosing a partner with commitments to their past loves builds relationship insecurities that’ll likely persist.

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