Restoring intensity in a relationship
Dear Readers Among problems within once-romantic relationships, many include these familiar complaints: Loss of shared sexual excitement, boredom with routines, lapsed activities that were once joyful, etc.
Why do these same negatives keep happening? I heard of them being replaced by sexual happiness through tips from Florida-based author Carmen Harra, whom I’d recently interviewed. Harra has a background in both clinical psychology and in nutrition from Cornell University (yes, there’s a link between sex and health).
Born in Romania, she got her first degree in languages, emigrated to the U.S. in 1980 and resides in Florida after practising marriage therapy in New York for 20 years, and was happily married for 27 years before her late husband passed away.
Her book, “Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes,” published last year, goes directly to reheating your sexual/love connection.
What’s new is the link she creates between needing and achieving the love/sex goal that relationships need like air for breathing. Her tips include:
Changing your sexual routine — “It’s the enemy of excitement.” A constant daily pattern (eat/work/eat/sleep etc.) “can kill the spirit of any relationship.”
To rekindle romance, don’t just join another class doing the same-old together. The most important factor is “finding the joy in engaging in different activities with your other half.”
Add spice in the bedroom. Your sex drive can easily dwindle after years with the same person, losing the “rush” that once accompanied intercourse. It’s normal but good sex is important to a relationship.
If desire dries up, a central component of your connection is lost. Yet sex can become better with time if you get creative and invent new ways of pleasing each other. Speaking as a marriage therapist, she doesn’t hold back: Try intercourse in different locations and positions.
Do something you loved in the early months of your relationship. Leave cellphones at home and communicate throughout a once-favourite activity. It’ll stir up old feelings of excitement.
Spending time apart can be as important as spending time together. The more we see someone, the less the sensory part of our brain responds to their presence and we become “used” to them. After some days away, e.g., to visit relatives, you’ll both feel eager to be together.
Work on YOU and on both of you. Leave your comfort zone, or it leads to complacency. Constructive self-criticism only makes us better, so strive to take care of yourself: Eat well and exercise regularly.
Healthy routines will help you both look and feel good about yourself and boost your self-esteem too! Practice emotional intimacy. It isn’t restricted to intercourse; it’s also intense bonding of the mind and spirit.
Her recipe for true connection: Know what your partner needs, feeling their emotions and desires as if your own.
Emotional intimacy is much more powerful than physical intimacy because it delves deep into your loved one’s fears and hopes. Consistent awareness of your partner is key. You’ll maintain a sense of intimacy by paying attention to your partner’s behaviour. This will keep you committed.
Combining her several areas of study, Harra has much to offer individuals and couples regarding modern relationships.
Her strongest beliefs: “If we don’t heal our relationships and/or emotional problems, we start feeling miserable, which leads to acquiring real diseases. People get stuck, causing negative emotions, illnesses and trauma. By contrast, good relationships keep the brain healthy and balanced.” Ellie’s tip of the day
Successful romantic relationships require ongoing intimacy and the joy of an exciting sexual connection.