He did what?

LOVE AND SEX

Women fake orgasms and as it turns out, men do too.

Harvard professor Dr. Abraham Morgentaler recently released a book titled Why Men Fake it: The Totally Unexpected Truth About

Men and Sex, which provides a startling new perspective on men, sex, relationships and the psychology behind men (gasp!) faking orgasms.

I’m of the school of thought that orgasms shouldn’t be faked. If you don’t communicate with your partner about what works for you, how are they ever going to figure it out on their own? With that said, there have definitely been instances where I have used hyperbole to get out of an awkward situation.

I know my body well enough to know that sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, an orgasm just isn’t on the menu. Other times, the sex is so undeniably terrible that I’m willing to do anything just so it will be over and I can get back to doing something more satisfying, like watching back to back episodes of Mad Men. I know why I do it; the question is why are men faking it?

When asked whether he has ever faked it, one of my friends told me about a woman he’d hooked up with recently. Everything was going swimmingly until she handed him a box of extra large condoms. Even though he knew the condoms wouldn’t fit, he put one on anyways. He sums up the experience as follows:

“It was awful. It felt like I was having sex with a garbage bag on. I just wanted it to be over, so I faked it. She didn’t even notice.”

One of Morgentaler’s patients confessed that he faked orgasms because he didn’t want to disappoint his partner and hurt her feelings. Sound familiar?

Whether it’s saving face or protecting the emotions of loved ones, both of these stories point to the simple truth: That men fake it for the same reasons women do. What’s interesting is that somehow we find this information “unexpected” and “surprising.”

As a society we’ve become so accustomed to instant gratification provided by scientific advancements that we’ve come to look at our bodies as machines and not as the complex, unpredictable creations they are. Our ability to orgasm on demand has become linked with that of being a good lover. If we’re not living up to today’s hyper-sexualized standards, we’re somehow dysfunctional. There seems to be no in between, especially for men. As Morgentaler’s research suggests the reality is actually much more complex.

So, here’s my suggestion. Let’s start being honest with each other and cutting our bodies some slack. If we can do this, maybe we can stop faking it, and start having better sex.