YWCA helped build better life: Single mom
She and four children wound up in Crossroads shelter, but things got better from there
When Carissa McIntyre was in a bad relationship and had nowhere to turn with four kids, she called Crossroads women’s shelter.
Staff took her and the children in that night, offering them adjoining rooms and toys for the kids to call their own.
It wasn’t at all like McIntyre expected, not dingy or scary in the least. And the fear of losing her kids to the children’s aid society quickly faded once she realized the good company she was in. However, it was still a difficult time.
“I’ve never felt like more of a failure,” said McIntyre, 32.
Ready to cry herself to sleep, wondering how she got there, McIntyre looked out the window and saw a double rainbow over the city — confirmation that she’d done the right thing.
“That was a big sign for me.” That was a year and a half ago. Today, McIntyre is thriving.
She and her kids have their own place and are happy and healthy. McIntyre has published four books and has her own business.
Life is good, a stark contrast to the way things were not too long ago.
A few years back, McIntyre ran into an old friend from high school and they fell in love. She had two kids and he had one of his own.
About three years later, the couple had a child together. But a series of issues led to the family losing their home and McIntyre having to prepare to leave the relationship.
The weeks leading up to their eviction were the worst, she said.
“Nobody was sleeping well. The kids were all terrified.”
When it came time to leave their home, McIntyre packed up the kids, ages 2 to 11, including his daughter, and took them to Crossroads.
She didn’t know what to tell them, so she told them the truth.
“I didn’t want them to be scared. I didn’t want them to not know what was happening. So, I involved them every step of the way.”
The kids slowly started to loosen up, letting go of all the tension that had been building in their home. They no longer left for school in tears.
McIntyre was blown away by the support of the Crossroads staff. When they learned of her daughter’s food allergies, they immediately went out and bought her the foods she needed. “They were amazing.”
It wasn’t long before the newly single mother discovered the other supports the YWCA had to offer.
Through its START program, McIntyre was able to accomplish several goals. No running from place to place for various supports, START provided resources and tools in a one-stop shop kind of way.
She was able to speak to a lawyer about her legal options, covering everything from commonlaw to custody.
She and the kids got counselling through Community Counselling Resource Centre. A counsellor even visited her daughter at school because she needed extra support.
START staff connected her with Ontario Works, where McIntyre took a 60-week entrepreneurial program that enabled her to start her own business.
She also took workshops on cooking and finances through the YWCA.
McIntyre utilized everything the YWCA offered, and the payback was tremendous.
“I had no idea they could restart my life for me.”
After several weeks at Crossroads and some time at her dad’s, YWCA staff helped McIntyre find a place to live. She had to use social services to fund first and last’s month’s rent, but she didn’t care.
She’d worked her whole life, paying into it, she said, and now she needed it. “It’s there and I needed it for a reason. I threw out all that shame and humiliation.”
On Tuesday, McIntyre shared her story with a crowded room of YWCA supporters during YWCA Week Without Violence, which ends Sunday.
She told the group how she no longer had to worry if she had enough money for milk or gas, thanks to the YWCA.
“They gave me life back. My confidence back. My power. I had nothing when I called them.”
McIntyre shared her story to give back to the YWCA and to encourage other women who’re struggling with domestic abuse to get up and go.
“A little bit of space and clarity is the best thing you can do in a tough situation… you can’t heal and you can’t fix things when you’re living in a toxic and broken environment.”
The START (Support Team for Abuse Response Today) is available at the YWCA on Simcoe St. on Mondays from 9:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. It’s free and walk-ins are welcome. Services include safety planning, nursing assessment, admission to Crossroads, and info on how to make a police report, for example.
The YWCA also offers a Family Court Support program to assist women involved in family court for reasons related to domestic abuse with everything from assistance to applying for legal aid to accompaniment to court.