Rebel Dad urges people to consider adoption
A Peterborough native – who was the first Canadian gay man allowed to legally adopt internationally – is releasing a memoir on World Adoption Day.
David McKinstry, 64, is the author of Rebel Dad: Triumphing Over Bureaucracy to Adopt Two Orphans Born Worlds
Apart.
The book gives readers an in-depth account of the international adoption system and McKinstry’s journey to adopt his two sons: Nicholas and Kolwyn.
It also highlights how far Canada has come regarding adoption regulations and gay rights.
As someone who was adopted himself, McKinstry said he always wanted to adopt a child.
“I just really had this hankering to be a parent.”
He started the adoption process in 1979 and was given the runaround for years before he finally got to the home visit stage.
At the time, McKinstry was living with his husband Nicholas, who has since died.
During several separate home visits, McKinstry said he and Nicholas were asked questions about their sex life that heterosexual couples would never be asked.
“We were subjected to incredible degradation,” he said.
Finally, the government said he could adopt, but only internationally. He said he was asked by the government if he could be used as a test case for a gay Canadian to adopt abroad.
But when officials at multiple countries read his application, stating he was gay, he was denied by all of them.
Eventually, the Canadian government changed his status to say he was a widower – which was true, but they changed Nicholas’s name to Nicci, implying McKinstry was married to a woman.
His new application was accepted by India.
In 1998, McKinstry was approved to adopt a six-year-old boy from India, who’d been found two years earlier in an alley clutching his mother’s dead body. He was named Nicholas, after McKinstry’s late husband.
By then, McKinstry was running Woodhaven Country Lodge near Buckhorn with his partner Michael Rattenbury. The two are both Kenner Collegiate graduates and still run the resort today.
As they awaited the arrival of Nicholas, a woman with AIDS was staying at their lodge with her four-year-old son Kolwyn. Back then, AIDS was a death sentence.
When she heard McKinstry heard was adopting a boy from India, unafraid of any health issues he might have, she asked if he and Rattenbury would adopt her son.
“She didn’t have to ask twice,” McKinstry said.
Kolwyn’s adoption made McKinstry and Rattenbury the first gay couple in Canada to co-adopt.
Nicholas is now 25 and Kolwyn is 24. Growing up, McKinstry said his boys were often asked if they were gay because their dads were. The answer: No, they’re not.
If there’s one thing that’s highlighted throughout the book, McKinstry said, it’s that sexuality doesn’t matter when it comes to parenting.
“When you’re a parent, you’re a parent. You deal with the same issues – being gay really doesn’t enter into the equation except for other people.”
As for Rebel Dad, McKinstry said he wanted to chronicle the social and legal changes that’ve happened since he started the adoption process, especially as it relates to gay people.
There’s also a quest behind his book, too.
“My hope is that it will spur people on to consider adoption whether to be a parent or a grandparent.”
McKinstry is having a book launch Nov. 8 at Chapters on Lansdowne St. from 5 to 8 p.m. The book is $26.95 and will also be available online.
World Adoption Day is Nov. 9.