Some women are childless by choice
Honestly, I like kids but I see a future where our population will be unsustainable
Right from our second date, my future husband and I agreed on one thing: kids were not part of our life plan. Even at that point in the mid-1980s, we felt the world had billions of people already and we didn’t want to add to the pressure.
While we found solace in our pact, we have faced questions from every corner ever since. First, our parents had questions right after the wedding, even though we had been clear about our plans.
Back then, every bride was expected to report a pregnancy within the first year of marriage, then produce a second child two years later. Next, my sisters chimed in — they wanted to quell any fears I had about parenthood without realizing the bigger picture we had in mind.
Since then, I’ve had colleagues call me out on not having kids at home.
Not cool. We’ve been asked about it while at community events. Fed up, my husband once faked tears and alluded to how hard we were trying just to shut up the intrusive stranger we had just met.
Honestly, I like kids. I just don’t want one to wake me up on a Saturday morning by sticking her finger in my nose like my niece Victoria did to my brother Bruce. And I don’t see the need to fill up the planet with my own progeny.
If you want to have children, go ahead. But like many millennials these days, I see a future where our population will be unsustainable. So, I was never willing to give in to peer pressure and give up on my ethics.
Instead, I chose to mentor kids of single parents through Big Brothers Big Sisters and abusive families via respite programs. I volunteered to set up youth drop-in centres for latchkey kids and the YES Shelter for those who could never go home.
If I had a brood of my own, it’s unlikely I would have had the time, energy or capacity to do so. That’s how I choose to help kids who are already facing lonely or tough times. Since then, my interests fanned out to creating housing for older souls whose scars arose from homes where their parents were stressed by the pressures of raising a family.
Frankly, the more people that extend their caring beyond their own circles, the better our society functions. It’s much easier to accomplish if your calendar isn’t full of evenings filled with supervising homework or driving kids to karate, hockey or dance.
Within my five sisters, I’ve seen the heartbreak of infertility and the fear arising from unplanned pregnancies. Collectively, they have worked their way through devastating miscarriages, the rollercoaster of in vitro fertilization and the long wait of adoption.
That has been placated somewhat by the joy their children bring to them and, by extension, to aunts and uncles like us.
Over the years, I’ve had fascinating conversations with women who confided that they wish they had decided to delay motherhood or foregone it altogether. Yes, they love their children, but they would have also loved the freedom to explore other options before taking on that responsibility.
Sadly, generations of women had no choice when their church leaders banned contraception. So, they had multiple children, year after year, without any regard for their health — mental or physical.
Starting this month, national pharmacare offers prescriptions to prevent pregnancies until they are wanted. If only you could get one for the judgment that comes with it.