The man who spoke Beatle
Lucy indulged her husband Walter’s Beatles fixation, until the accident
Walter and Lucy had been married for years. They’d each come to terms with the other’s peccadillos, including Walt’s fascination with The Beatles. He had all their music, movies, concert videos, and even trading cards. His car radio was cemented to the Beatles channel on Sirius.
Lucy stoically indulged his Beatles fixation — until the accident.
One day, Walt fell off a ladder while cleaning out the eaves troughs, hitting his hard head on something even harder. When he regained consciousness, Lucy noticed a change in his behaviour.
Walter spoke Beatle.
Almost every sentence contained the title of a classic Beatles song.
“Here Comes The Sun,” Walt announced after a prolonged rainy period.
“Good Day Sunshine! Hey, let’s go hike Penny Lane; it’s a Long And Winding Road. While walking, I Want To Hold Your Hand.”
“Um, the eaves troughs still need cleaning out,” said Lucy.
“This time, I’ll do it With A Little Help From My Friends,” said Walt. “I’ll tell them: Don’t Let Me Down.”
Next day, Walt asked: “Do You Want To Know A Secret?”
“Sure,” Lucy replied.
“You’ll always have All My Loving. Without you, I’d be lost in the Norwegian Wood. You’re my Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.”
“That’s very sweet. Now that you mention it, it’s been awhile since you bought me diamonds.”
“It’s like I said Yesterday: All You Need Is Love.”
“Sure. Diamonds are nice too. “Help!”
The following week, Walt arrived home dejected.
“I was passed over for promotion again, Lucy. I’m a real Nowhere Man at that company. I’m A Loser. I feel like quitting to do what I’ve always wanted: become a Paperback Writer.”
“I don’t think that pays very well, especially if you write humour,” said Lucy. “Unless you’re famous.”
“I’ll work at it Eight Days A Week until I become famous,” Walt vowed. “We’ll have to Come Together on this. I don’t want to be The Fool On The Hill.”
“Of course I’ll be supportive, if it’s what you really want to do,” she said. “I earn a good salary.”
“Great! You’ve given me a Ticket To Ride! We’ll go on a Magical Mystery Tour together! I promise you won’t be like Lady Madonna, complaining of A Hard Day’s Night. I know We Can Work It Out.”
“Yeah, but first you gotta work on your Beatles problem.”
“Tell Me Why.”
“Almost every sentence you say — even that last one — is one of their song titles! Your novel will be awful if you write it like that.”
“Well, smack me upside the head with Maxwell’s Silver Hammer. Oh! Darling, you’re absolutely right. My brain’s gone Helter Skelter. I Am The Walrus.”
“What you are, is annoying,” Lucy said. “Please stop.”
“I Should Have Known Better. I’m So Tired. This Boy would like to say he’s Getting Better, but I can’t. I’d like to Get Back, but I can’t. Why can’t you just Let It Be?”
Lucy exploded. “I’ve had enough! I’ve been patient, hoping you’ll grow out of it. I just can’t take it anymore!”
“Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da,” Walt sang, off-key.
“I Can’t Get No Satisfaction!” Lucy shouted.
Walter froze. His face went white. “That’s a Rolling Stones song!” “Yeah, so? I happen to like the Stones!”
“That’s … that’s the worst thing you could say to a Beatles fan! Worse than being Back In The U.S.S.R.”
They were divorced soon after, citing irreconcilable differences.