Parents can help keep teenagers safe by saying ‘no’
Teens are great at understanding the dangers of drinking and driving — while sitting at the dinner table talking to their parents. They’re also wonderful at understanding this when I’m at their school doing a presentation about avoiding risky behaviour. As I’m talking I’m watching them nod their heads in agreement but I know my warnings and advice have a lot of competition: peers, alcohol, drugs, sex. Once they’re partying, their common sense and better judgment go on vacation. They do things even they wouldn’t have foreseen or believed.
So, what can parents do to help prevent tragedy from happening? There is one invaluable tool I learned many years ago; it’s the word “no.”
“No, you cannot borrow the car tonight to drive your friends to a party. No, you cannot drink or do drugs at our house.”
You simply have to stop trying to be friends with your kids and be parents, leaders, mentors. They respect adults who discipline them. Discipline is rules, manners and chores. Without that structure in their lives they’re sort of left to raise themselves, which is when the reckless behaviour gets out of control.
It’s OK to have your teens mad at you and even hate you from time to time. Of course, you’re going to need a thick skin and not care what they think — just focus on how they act and that they’re safe.
Lisa Bunnage is a parenting coach in the Vancouver area: bratbusters.com