Once-bullied cop counsels kids
Surrey Mountie runs one-man campaign on own time
Tad Milmine still remembers the first time he had to clean his bullies’ saliva off the front door.
His tormentors were his classmates in Cambridge, Ont., with a new-found pastime of picking on the quiet, petrified-shy 16-yearold who had no friends, said little in class and never stood up for himself.
As Milmine walked home one cold November afternoon, his tormentors trailed a few metres behind, calling him names like geek, nerd and weakling. When he started crying, they laughed and taunted him more. Then they followed him home and spat on his front door.
“When I went to clean the spit off, I had to use my thumb to scrape it off because it was frozen,” he recalled.
The incident — repeated twice that week more than 20 years ago —is one that Milmine, now 38 and a Surrey RCMP constable, has shared with nearly 3,500 high-school students in B.C. and Ontario in a oneman, anti-bullying campaign he does in his spare time and on his own dime.
His goal is to share his experience about the effects of bullying, make bullies realize the impact of their actions and let victims know there is hope — and that they have someone who knows what they are going through.
“I know what it feels like to feel alone, and bullied, and feel you’re different and not accepted,” he tells the kids.
Milmine, whose parents were separated, also struggled with being gay, a secret he told no one until he was 25. In high school, he was bullied not because of his sexual orientation, but because of his painful shyness.
Hedidnotaskanyoneforhelp.He did not fight back or reach out. He only lowered his head and cried.
In his darkest moments he struggled with thoughts of suicide.
“It was an avenue of consideration to make this all go away,” he said. “I just didn’t know there were any options out there.”
Eventually, Milmine grew out of his shell. He finished high school, moved to B.C. and became a police officer, fulfilling a childhood dream.
Last October, Milmine read about an openly gay, 15-year-old Ontario teen, Jamie Hubley, who took his own life because of relentless bullying. Milmine was inspired to share his story as well as Jamie’s, with the Hubley family’s blessing.
Milmine started giving informal talks in Surrey classrooms in February. Through word of mouth he received hundreds of requests over the summer from schools across Canada. He spent a recent vacation to Ontario making presentations to about 2,500 students in 15 schools.
“I speak from the heart,” said Milmine. “I don’t judge. I don’t criticize. I just share my story.”
His story has struck a chord. He has received hundreds of emails from teens who wrote to say thanks or ask for help and support.
The death of Port Coquitlam teen Amanda Todd, who was bullied in school and online, has also spurred more awareness of the issue, said Milmine, who spoke at Todd’s memorial service.
In the coming weeks, Milmine will be talking to students in elementary and high schools in Chilliwack, Victoria, Port Coquitlam and Prince George. He is still juggling his advocacy work with his job as a general duty officer, but will soon be reassigned to work with youth as part of the RCMP’s anti-bullying programs.
Milmine said he wouldn’t change what happened to him because the ugly incident shaped him.
“The fact is, I took the positives away from the negatives,” he said. “They make me who I am.”
For more information, visit bullyingendshere.ca.