“Sometimes all that is needed is to change the dynamic. ... if you do something, others will follow. But you’ve got to break the silence.”

This incident haunted Gwen Enyedy for days.

What bugged her most, she said, was the thought her silence let the man believe she agreed with his sentiments.

“I felt very helpless,” she said. “I felt this guy had got away with it and it reaffirmed his actions, and next time he’ll do it again.”

To answer Enyedy’s question, The Province asked experts on what someone who witnesses a racist “joke,” demeaning comment or insult can do.

“Sadly, this is not a rare occasion,” said Romi Chandra-Herbert, executive director of PeerNet B.C. when told about the incident, adding he had witnessed similar incidents on buses and SkyTrain.

“People are often paralyzed in that situation,” he said. “Primarily because everyone is in such close quarters. You can’t leave, but it’s in your face.”

All experts agree: Speaking up while others are silent is not easy, but there are ways to make it known you don’t agree with what was said or done.

Safety is tops, so Enyedy should gauge what she feels comfortable with, said Karen Rolston, director of the University of B.C.’s Centre for Intercultural Communication. The goal is to stop the behaviour. “Sometimes all that is needed is to change the dynamic,” she said. “Right now, he’s got the stage and he’s going at it. But my guess would be if you do something, others will follow. But you’ve got to break the silence.”

Enyedy can politely but firmly tell the man: “That’s an inappropriate comment.” But it doesn’t even have to be that, said Rolston. Sometimes, a pointed interjection such as a disbelieving “what?!” or “really?” could be just as effective.

Another approach could be to approach the women, sit beside them, ask if they’re OK, or say “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

Doing so “changes the dance,” said Rolston.

“He is reminded there are other people around who don’t agree with what he is doing.”

Another tactic could be to talk to other fellow passengers.

“‘Did you hear that? Did he just say that?’” said Chandra-Herbert. “It can reassure someone. ‘OK, I’m not the only one who heard it,’ and it could provide more confidence for that person to speak up.”

Other alternatives could be to report the incident to the bus driver or even police.

“Absolutely,” was B.C. Hate Crimes Unit Det.-Const. Terry Wilson’s firm reply when asked whether Enyedy should have called police.

He said people should not hesitate to report hate or racist incidents to the authorities. “We can make the decision whether it is a criminal offence or not.”

Certain offences, while seemingly trivial, could warrant charges such as mischief or disturbing the peace, added Wilson.

Reporting such incidents also allow police to better gauge where they should concentrate awareness campaigns or enforcement efforts.

C.J. Rowe, an adviser at UBC’s access and diversity office, said speaking up takes practice and training.

UBC has a program called “Really?” which aims to empower people to respond safely to discriminatory comments or situations.

Rowe said Enyedy did her part to engage in conversation — maybe not at the bus, but afterwards.

“If something happens and you don’t know what to say, you can find a different way to engage,” she said.

“That can be by debriefing, offering support or writing to the newspaper.”