Differences between winning and losing
They’re subtle and this is not an exact science, but here’s our take on the topic
To say the Vancouver Canucks have had an inconsistent year would be an understatement. From game to game, we, as fans, never know which team will show up.
Will it be a hard-fought victory against a hated rival such as the Boston Bruins? An awful showing against a bottom-feeder like the Buffalo Sabres? Or a back-and-forth showdown against a team we have yet to get a raging hate-on for, like the Carolina Hurricanes?
There are subtle differences in our lives as Canucks fans that take effect when the team wins or loses. It’s not an exact science, but it’s the only science we’re halfway qualified to have a theory about. Based on high levels of research the Canucks have allowed us to do this season, we have determined a few of those differences.
HOW WE SLEEP
When We Win: We go to sleep at a respectable time, which is still an hour later than we had originally planned. Why an hour later? Because we’re justified in watching another hour or so of highlights or reading a few more articles recapping the big win. After that, we happily drift to sleep and dream of Stanley Cups. That’s right. Plural. *sigh* Only in our dreams. …
When We Lose: We don’t want to see any ‘highlights’ or read another word about a tough loss, so we’ll go to bed early to end this awful, awful night. However, actual sleep can be hard to come by when we’re tossing and turning. All the brutal calls, defensive zone giveaways and soft goals are all we can see when we close our eyes. We also dream about Stanley Cups after a loss, but instead they are nightmares about the ones we have lost.
WHAT WE EAT
When We Win: Whether it’s a slice of pizza or a burger or — taking a cue from Eddie Lack — delicious postgame tacos, celebrating a win with our taste buds makes everything taste better (except celery). Healthy choices can wait for tomorrow. After a victory, it’s all about the calories.
When We Lose: Comfort foods are the name of the game after a tough loss, but the subtle difference here is that we like to combine foods we eat when we win into a Voltron-like nutritional nightmare. Although we admit a slice of pizza in a burger stuffed into a burrito does make us feel better — for about 20 minutes. Then the loss of a game is the least of our worries.
WHAT WE DRINK
When We Win: We drink anything we want, we just make sure to clink drinks with friends over everything. Nice day out? Clink your drinks. Bought a new sweater for 30 per cent off? Clink your drinks. Got stabbed in a bank robbery and slipped into a coma, but are still alive? Well, you can’t clink your drink, but you’re probably dreaming about it.
When We Lose: Two words: Shower beers. There is nothing more comforting than standing in the shower, drinking a combination of dirty water and cheap beer to help soothe the soul. Also, the shower hides the heaving sobs — always a plus.
HOW WE ACT AT WORK
When We Win: It’s difficult to focus on our work after a big win because all we want to do is talk about it. We’ll find any excuse to bring up the game, no matter how tenuous.
A fresh pot of coffee was made? “Oh, that reminds me, coffee is hot … like the Canucks power play last night!” A new person gets hired? They become the office Bo Horvat. We could not be more focused on company goals than after a Canucks victory.
When We Lose: We prefer to bury ourselves in work after the Canucks lose, but it seems like that’s when
everything reminds us of the game. A co-worker is underperforming? You suggest sending them to another department for a conditioning stint.
Pen runs out of ink? Reminds us of the Canucks not being able to stay out of the penalty box. It’s the worst.
Don’t even get us starting on the person who brought apple turnovers for everyone. We won’t even eat them! (That’s a lie.)