Family gives back after loss of stillborn baby
$4,700 raised for Wigs for Kids charity
With a snip of the scissors, Mila Shannon donated her long blond locks in honour of the sister she’ll never get to know.
The haircut at a Yaletown salon Thursday was a way for the North Vancouver family to give back amid the devastation of losing a stillborn baby. Mila’s hair, as well as about $4,700 raised by the family, will go to Wigs for Kids B.C. toward kids with cancer.
“It’s something for us to look forward to,” mom Caitlin Grange said.
“Instead of dreading the day, we’re trying to make it something positive.”
“It’s a symbolic thing for us,” said dad David Shannon. “This is the one thing keeping us going.”
The couple, Mila and two-year-old Juliette had been looking forward to the arrival of Elizabeth, who was due May 21.
But on April 22 Grange noticed the baby had stopped moving. She went to work, but soon left to go to hospital, convinced something was wrong.
The nurse tried to find a heartbeat and found only one — Grange’s — racing a panicked 125 beats a minute.
A doctor later confirmed her worst fears. Elizabeth likely died from a knot in her umbilical cord, the family was told.
“Physically, she was perfect,” Shannon said. “The only thing was she wasn’t breathing. “We got to hold her and cuddle her. It was a very odd sensation, holding your baby, but she’s not alive. It was supposed to be one of the greatest days of my life when I get to hold my baby for the first time. “Turns out, it was the worst day of my life.” Grange and Shannon said they were given good care at B.C. Women’s Hospital. They were assigned a social worker, who helped make moulds of Elizabeth’s tiny hands and feet and find a photographer to capture the only memories they will have with her.
In 2011, more than 2,818 babies were stillborn in Canada, including 441 in B.C. Attitudes are changing, but many families still grieve in silence or are often the recipients of well-meaning but insensitive comments.
“There’s a misconception that it’s a baby you haven’t really connected with because he or she isn’t born yet,” said Jens Locher, who founded the B.C. Childloss Support Network in 2012 after the death of two sons. “Some people say, ‘Oh you’re lucky the baby didn’t die after two or three years,’ ” he said. “But that doesn’t make sense. You don’t start to love your baby more after three years.”
Grange and Shannon said they’ve received an outpouring of support.
Mila, too, is processing the loss in her own way, said Grange. Two years ago they talked to Mila about donating her hair to charity. She was open but hesitant, said Grange. “But after Elizabeth died we asked her if she’s ready to do it now in memory of her sister, and she said, ‘Yes.’ ”