There’s nothing funny about De Niro
ANALYZE THIS: The same actor who made Taxi Driver and Raging Bull also made The Big Wedding
Robert De Niro has a new comedy opening in theatres Friday.
It’s called Dirty Grandpa and it also stars Zac Efron, Julianne Hough and Aubrey Plaza.
The words ‘comedy’ and ‘De Niro’ in the same sentence make us nervous.
Given the actor’s recent track record, it may be a good time to consider his worst movies.
Oh, we know what you’re thinking — Grudge Match, Red Lights, Last Vegas — but there’s actually way worse than that:
1 The Big Wedding (2013)
A known carcinogen. De Niro and Diane Keaton are a divorced couple who must pretend they are still married, rather than wreck the wedding of their adopted son — whose birth mother is very religious. Just re-read that sentence to understand why you would never, ever, ever want to see this.
2 Analyze That (2002)
How could filmmaker Harold Ramis have had anything to do with this dog?
Analyze That is a sequel to the comedy Analyze This; it features De Niro as mob boss Paul Vitti, who is out of prison due to emotional problems and living with his shrink, played by Billy Crystal.
It’s just painfully not funny.
3 Showtime (2002)
De Niro and Eddie Murphy play mismatched cops who wind up together in a TV reality cop show. Yes. And then they chase a bad guy. One critic pointed out that William Shatner is the funniest thing in the movie, which shows just how bad this non-funny comedy really is.
4 The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (2000)
Fans of the inventive and hilarious original cartoon could only weep with dismay when this idiotic so-called comedy was released. The convoluted tale sees Rocky and Bullwinkle as animation has-beens, living off their TV royalties, until they are called upon to defeat Boris and Natasha and Fearless Leader (De Niro), villains who have become real by leaving the TV for the outside world.
5 Godsend (2004)
Absolute tripe about a geneticist who helps grieving parents clone their dead child and get a second chance with a carbon copy. Of course, it all goes pear-shaped. Scary? Scary bad — you’ll laugh out loud at De Niro, Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romijn.
6 a) Meet the Fockers (2004)
What can you say about an entire movie franchise based on the laughs to be had from the name Gaylord Focker?
Plenty of toilet jokes and gags about middle-aged sexuality in this vomitous comedy about two idiot families trying to understand each other before one’s son marries the other’s daughter. You so won’t care. A waste of the talents of De Niro, Ben Stiller, Blythe Danner, Barbra Streisand and Dustin Hoffman.
6 b) Little Fockers (2010)
All of the above bad stuff plus more toilet and penis humour in a worthless story about Gaylord still proving himself to father-inlaw Jack (De Niro). Once more cast members squander their talents here, and somehow, this time, convince Jessica Alba and Harvey Keitel to also be part of it.