What to say if your spouse lacks talent
FINE LINE: Wannabe performers don’t always want to face reality they’re short on ability
So your spouse wants to be a star? Fame, fortune and centre stage beckon — but do you suffer in silence, sing their praises or level your hopeless/hopeful attitude regarding their questionable talent?
Just recently, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s wife, Sophie GrégoireTrudeau, was front and centre when she suddenly burst into a sappy song at a Martin Luther King Jr. Day celebration in Ottawa.
She has made mention of wanting to make an album, but her performance has now been given a deep house-chill remix which got uploaded to YouTube, and another awesome remix by DJ Dom4Good.
While her off-key rendition of Smile Back at Me received a standing ovation, some aren’t smiling back.
“Let’s face it, she was really off key,” therapist Deborah Mecklinger says.
“Justin may be such a politician that even at home he wouldn’t tell Sophie that she is off key. Or is Justin used to a high school drama class and actually thinks she is good?”
Whatever the case, many of us are married to wannabe singers, comics and athletes who may not be as talented as they think. “Ask yourself: Do you want to be your spouse’s biggest fan or their critic? It’s a fine line between ‘saving’ your spouse and saving your marriage,” says Mecklinger, a mediator and professional coach at Walkthetalkcoaching.com.
Proceed with caution: Ascertain whether your spouse is open to criticism or are they defensive when it comes to input. “Moreover, are they asking you for feedback or applause?” says Mecklinger.
Be sure to ask them if they want feedback on how they are received when they take centre stage, and never cut them off or tell them what you think in public.
According to Calgary couples mediator Debra Macleod, the best spouses say bad things to your face and good things behind your back. “Make sure you support your spouse in front of others, but if you feel he or she really doesn’t have what it takes to make it, there’s no reason you can’t express your opinion.”
When your partner is completely off key in whatever their pursuit, Macleod suggests that when talking about it, focus on what you believe their strengths are, and admit that you’re only giving them your opinion about their weak spots.
Macleod adds that many people think they’re more talented than they really are. “We see it in the workplace, in politics, in the entertainment world and I see it all the time in relationships. Some people love attention and accolades because they have a streak of narcissism in them.”
Macleod adds that if their aim for fame is costing the family financially, it’s fair to express your concerns.
“Be sure to tell them well before your bank account is drained, your children leave for college, and you find yourself opening secret online dating profiles.”
Mecklinger adds that if your partner clearly does not want feedback and you are clear that you are uncomfortable with their public performances, “simply let them know that you are uncomfortable when they sing or begin their comedy routine. They choose how to move forward and as a result, and you choose to stay or exit when the performance begins.”