Canadian suicides prompt look at male role in modern world
Three-quarters of all suicides in Canada are men, on average about once every three hours. The “silent epidemic” has prompted advocates to question whether modern life demands too much from the male sex.
“Male suicide results in 3,000 fatalities a year on average in Canada. Society needs to change, just as much as men do,” Rob Whitley, assistant professor of psychiatry at McGill University, told a Vancouver audience recently.
“Guys have always been told that you’re not a real man if you’re complaining. We have to move away from those concepts,” he said.
About 500 people die by suicide in B.C. every year. Their average age is 47. About seven per cent of B.C. teenagers say they have attempted suicide in the past year. Help is available 24/7 at 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800784-2433.
Whitley said the transformation of traditional gender roles may have gone too far because it appears many men can’t cope, especially middle-aged men, who are the most at-risk group.
“The age is paradoxical because men aged 40 to 55 are perceived to be the most powerful and successful in the country," he said.
“Something about society and the environment in Canada is affecting these men ... There is a background vulnerability when a man becomes a failed breadwinner or his son is taken away during a custody battle. It can be a time when suicide rates go higher.”
Growing concern about the situation has prompted the opening of the country’s first men-only shelter in Toronto, which provides safe space, peer support and services for male victims of trauma and violence.
“No one’s invincible. The Canadian Centre for Men and Families is dedicated to the issues of boys and men on their own terms,” the centre says. “It’s time he has a place for him and the people in his life.”
An advocacy group for men and boys has also been formed at Simon Fraser University. The group brings awareness to the issue through monthly speaking engagements.
Jesse Velay-Vitow, 21, president of the group, called SFUAMB, said men are expected to be strong all the time, but they can’t be.
“If you show any weakness, you’re less of a man ... We undervalue men who can no longer produce,” he said.
He said men have to deal with negative perceptions of themselves in TV sitcoms, where they are constantly the butt of jokes.
Whitley said traditional men’s activities such as hunting and fishing are “denigrated,” but they shouldn’t be.
“In theory, we’re in an era where masculinity is demonized. Men need to be active. They need to be fixing bikes or walking in the woods together,” Whitley said. “It allows for that mentally cleared space where there is little talking and a lot of doing.”
With male suicide rates running three times as high as female rates, Whitley said medical resources should be proportioned accordingly, but that is not the case.
He said there are 300 shelters for women in Canada and just one for men; a lot of organizations deal with the needs of women, but there aren’t many helping only men.
“The message is you’re not particularly important as a social group in society. Many Canadian cities have a dedicated women’s hospital, which is great, but there is little funding for facilities for men,” he said.
Whitley said mental health treatments are not tailored to the male psyche, which may derive little benefit from the lengthy discussions which women find helpful: Men need real world solutions to provide a sense of reassurance.
Velay-Vitow said sometimes men don’t get better from talking.
"At certain times, experts say stoicism is helpful and talking through the issue doesn’t help,” he said.
Whitley said fathers are frequently separated from their children during custody battles at family courts and the “common perception” is they are treated unfairly in the judicial system.
“Men are often perceived as the villains and women are the victims. Courts are meant to be impartial arbitrators, but mothers often get the children and the man moves into a bedsit and gets to see the children once a month,” he said.
Velay-Vitow hopes men will get the help they need. He believes prevailing attitudes will change over time and looks for inspiration to other social groups which succeeded in changing what he said were society’s misguided policies.
“If we look at civil rights models, they have been successful at changing the views towards races, women and homosexuals. With hard work, I believe we can change the way we view men in society," he said.
“A man can go on to rebuild his life and be the type of man that he wants to be.”