Making new friends as an adult
Social media has made relationship-building simultaneously easier and harder
There was a commercial that ran not too long ago that perfectly described how traditional life stages have changed for people. It said that in days gone by people used to go to school, get a job, get married, have kids and retire. But now, people travel, maybe get married, maybe get a job, maybe go to school, maybe have kids ... you get the point.
What this ad illustrated was that people are on different life paths at any given time, and that your peers are not your peers simply because you share an age range — your peers are your peers because you share similarities in your current experience.
Take this to heart if the downturn has caused you some stress in your relationships. Losing a job, a relationship or experiencing a dramatic change in your finances often carries not only the stress of having to readjust your lifestyle, but also having to readjust your social circle.
“Friending” as an adult has changed in many ways and has become more complex with the advent of social media. So, if a big life change has you suddenly re-evaluating your list of friends, you may find that the friendship landscape of an adult is simultaneously easier and harder to navigate than it has ever been before.
For Lori Thorsen, moving provinces and experiencing a major relationship change left her in a new city and looking for friends. Loneliness is a rarely told story in our world seemingly of constant connection, but it’s a reality for many adults nonetheless.
“I find that people my age have their circle of friends and aren’t looking for any new additions,” Thorsen says. “People my age have kids and don’t have the time to hang out and build new friendships ... I can make real connections with people at work — it just never extends past work hours.”
For Kathryn Dawn, a married mother of two, it was a job change that presented the challenge of making new friends.
“For a long time I felt like there wasn’t a lot of people I clicked with,” she says. “While I was friendly with many, I just considered them work acquaintances, but as I am approaching the one-year mark I have found a handful of people that I click with and feel that I found my little niche.”
Social media can also play a major role in how people participate in relationships. Nick Dixon, a wellknown journalist and media personality, is conscious of his online presence and use of social media. When his former news station underwent massive layoffs last year, he said it was like losing a family, but that Facebook is a great way to see how people are doing, congratulate their next steps and to stay in touch in a passive way.
“It’s also an icebreaker tool,” he says. “It created a way to drive conversation with new friends.”
He says that recently he has begun a process of “curating” his Facebook and tailoring his newsfeed — a common practice that allows people to control the information they receive.
Another common trend is the friendship breakup. The New York Times recently published an article entitled How To Break Up With Friends, which lists “friends who suck you dry, friends who are stuck in college party mode and friends who don’t seem to share the same goals and perspectives” as potential candidates for a breakup.
Experts say that if you are at a crossroads with friendships in your life, take the opportunity to look at what has changed for you, set reasonable expectations, and be patient.