forecast Pop
“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows,” but these days, a guide through the seemingly endless flurry of pop-culture offerings is just what we need. With that in mind, here is what’s on the radar screen in TV, music and film for the coming week.
TV
Big events: Emerald City (Jan. 6, NBC); The New Celebrity Apprentice (Jan. 2, NBC).
Big picture: Actress Adria Arjona (True Detective) does more than click heels in her first leading role. Toto is a police dog, and Dorothy is a woman. But the 20-year-old she wishes“there was more”over her birthday cake and she’s suddenly enveloped by a tornado and ushered to Oz. (I’ll be making a similar wish this year, but plan to blow my cake out inside a wardrobe in the hopes of finally making it to Narnia.) As for Oz, it’s a lot darker than you remember — more Westeros than Disney. The Munchkins even look like Wildlings, Oz (Vincent D’Onofrio) looks like a poor-man’s King Robert Baratheon and Dorothy quickly emerges as a potential queen (not to mention witch) in waiting. One suspects a bit of emerald runs in her veins. Before long, she is caught up in an epic war, while finding time to fall in love with a dashing, handsome swordsman. (Let’s not make this too modern, am I right NBC?) Meanwhile, the premiere of The New Celebrity Apprentice doesn’t mean the new president has already resigned. The show has moved to California, and Arnold Schwarzenegger takes over as host (Donald Trump remains an executive producer because he’ll have “lots” of free time come January). Celebrity contestants include Boy George, Snooki and comic Jon Lovitz.
Forecast: Emerald City is Once Upon a Time meets Wicked meets Westeros minus HBO pedigree. Whether that’s enough to cast a long-term spell over viewers is beyond this writer’s crystal ball. But the two-hour premiere is worth at least an early meander down this new yellow brick road. As for the Apprentice, given the career-boost it gave his predecessor, I predict Arnold will be Emperor of a United North America by 2024.
Movies
Big release: Underworld: Blood Wars (Jan. 6).
Big picture: Like immortal, fang-slinging Hatfields and McCoys, the vampires and lycans are still at it in the fifth instalment of this action-horror franchise. At what? Their eternal blood feud, of course — not to mention prolonging Kate Beckinsale’s acting career and propping up the leather and latex industries. In Underworld: Blood Wars, the blood of the vampiress Selene (Beckinsale) and her daughter are the ultimate treasures on the battlefield. To ward off her enemies, Selene is sent to a secret, snowy fortress (of solitude?) to meet a silver-haired Daenerys Targaryen ripoff with fangs who doubles as some kind of vampire Yoda. Selene’s elder teaches her to use vampire Force … or something.
Forecast: Fans presume this is the franchise’s swan song. But I predict another instalment called Underworld: Trump Wars. After being earmarked for deportation, lycans and vampires work together against the White House — with a highly unlikely foe-turned-friend: the ghost of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
Music
Big release on Jan. 6: Dropkick Murphys (11 Short Stories of Pain & Glory).
Big picture: On their ninth album, the Massachusetts Celtic punk rockers get serious. For example, the track Paying My Way is about conquering addiction and 4-15-13 is a tribute to the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing. While song titles like Blood and Rebels with a Cause sound like more standard punk fare, I’m curious about a song titled I Had a Hat. Because nothing is more bad-ass than owning a hat, losing it and then writing an ode to your beloved chapeau. Forecast: Celtic punk’s not dead. (Though I’m not 100 per cent sure it ever truly lived.)