‘SHE WAS AMAZING’
Richmond parents grieving loss after 33 years of beating the medical odds
After 33 years of defying the odds, Steveston’s Kelsey Kilburn — mother, volunteer, lover of the stage — dies of kidney-related disease
Time, in the end, still doesn’t prepare you for the loss of a child.
Kelsey Kilburn, a remarkable woman from Steveston whose early health struggles The Province documented from her birth in 1985, died Dec. 16 from kidney-related illness, leaving behind a husband and daughter in England, and parents and a brother in the Lower Mainland.
“It’s a shock, it’s upsetting, we’re grieving,” Barb Kilburn said. “It’s a parent’s worst fear, it was certainly ours over the last 33 years. At the same time, her whole internal system was shutting down, this was going to happen.”
“It’s still shocking, no matter how much you prepare for it,” Kelsey’s dad, Brad, added. “The death of a child, there are no words for it, but my wife and I are coping as best we can.”
The day after Kelsey was born, doctors told the couple to prepare for her death because she had polycystic kidneys and other complicated medical issues. But what the Kilburns witnessed instead was a perky little girl who grew up knowing nothing else but to fight for her life as she went through Blundell Elementary in Richmond, Steveston Secondary and on to London.
She survived two kidney transplants, meningitis, pneumonia, scarlet fever, shingles, whooping cough and congestive heart failure. She had grieved the deaths of many friends who lost their battles to kidney disease.
As of mid-December, there were 328 kidney transplants performed in B.C. in 2018, with another 528 people waiting for a kidney, according to B.C. Transplant.
Kelsey’s volunteer work for the B.C. Children’s Hospital, the Kidney Foundation, B.C. Transplant, the Pacific Organ Retrieval Team and the Children’s Hospital Telethon was to raise awareness of the need for donors, and she won the youth division 2002 Courage to Come Back Award.
“She was amazing,” Brad said. “We’re devastated, but she did a lot of positive things in her life. She was dealt bad cards at first, but did very well with what she was dealt and overall led a happy life.”
Abetted, he said, by an amazing village of medical staff, teachers, friends, her extended family here and her in-laws in the U.K.
It was while studying at the William Davis acting school in Vancouver that Kelsey met the love of her life, a scriptwriter named Ian Jordan, from England, who was hoping to hone his screenplay skills with some acting instruction.
She’d just written a play about her best friend, another kidney recipient, who had died in a car crash.
“Kelsey’s most fervent dream was to be a mom,” Barb said. “Her whole life we knew she wouldn’t have her own child and after her second transplant in 2013 was so successful, she was gung-ho (to adopt).”
It took three years, but Ian and Kelsey finally got little Dolly, whom Kelsey brought to Tsawwassen to visit last summer.
“Dolly loved the mountains and the big Canadian trees,” Barb said. “We’re near Garry Point and she loved the beach. It was the first birthday Kelsey celebrated here in 12 years, since moving to England, and it was poignant we were able to celebrate her last birthday with her.”
She died after returning to the U.K. A celebration of life will be held in Richmond at the John M.S. Lecky UBC Boathouse on River Road on Jan. 26, from 2-4 p.m.
“Christmas was absolutely her favourite time of year,” Barb said. “I think she let go at this time because she knew we’d be surrounded by love and family. She died in the full bloom of life, but she’d led such an extraordinary life. I don’t think any of her dreams were unrealized, except growing old with Ian and Dolly.”