Beyond the pandemic

Here's how to help a friend afraid to venture out

Not everyone is finding it easy to contemplate a return to normalcy. In fact, some individuals are experiencing such high “re-entry anxiety” that they're afraid to leave their home at all, even if they have been vaccinated.

Spending time outside and connecting socially to the extent that feels comfortable is central to physical and mental well-being. If you know a friend or family member who is struggling to adjust to the potential easing of restrictions, how can you help?

Start by recalling how they've dealt with stressful situations in the past. Have they always had a tendency to worry and/or catastrophize? Have they — like many adults — suffered with anxiety or feelings of depression this year? If so, such feelings may seem overwhelming now.

Start by contacting the person you hope to help and offer to spend time with them regularly, in any way they find appealing. While you're together, don't tell them how wonderful it is to be out and about or say everyone is hoping they'll join them soon. Although well-intended, such comments will only make them feel pressured and even more isolated.

Instead, listen non-judgmentally to their concerns. If you find it impossible to distract them from negative and hopeless feelings, and if their fears seem out of proportion to actual threats, encourage them gently to talk to their doctor so that they can get professional help for any underlying psychological problems.

Accurate information, presented kindly, will also help. The more something distresses us, the more we avoid it, as researchers at Cambridge and the University of Bern discovered when studying spider phobics. That means those who are especially fearful may know little about the source of their fear, let alone how to cope with it. So another way to help someone who's trapped by fear is to relay accurate, up-to-date information about how to avoid risk and how to deal with their particular worries. This will allow them to regain perspective and suggest ways to feel empowered.

Draw up a plan with them or offer to help set some goals. You may be surprised to find they choose goals quite different from your own, but it's important to accept this. This is a new experience for all of us, so there's no “normal” or “right” way to behave. Rather than insisting they share your definition of “normal,” try instead to ensure they're happy with the choices they make.

Your efforts will help them feel calmer, and your desire to spend time with them on their terms will bolster their sense of self-worth.

—GETTY IMAGES After more than a year of life-altering pandemic stress, some people have been so adversely affected they're struggling to adapt to the idea of reintegrating into society when things are more normal.