My wish comes true

The Recorder & Times (Brockville) - - OPINION -

To: S. Claus, North Pole Dear Santa, It’s that time of year and there is only one thing on my wish list. All I want is a lad­der. Not just any or­di­nary lad­der, but one of those mul­ti­pur­pose tele­scopic ones.

Here is why. You see, my neigh­bours treat me very well by let­ting me bor­row their lad­ders.

Now, it’s all very kind on their part, but some­thing both­ers me. When bor­row­ing, I sheep­ishly tell them my lad­der is at the cot­tage. They say “sure,” but I sense some hid­den chuck­les, now and then.

So, if your elves can put one to­gether for me, it would be much ap­pre­ci­ated. And, when you de­liver it, just place the lad­der in­side the chim­ney, leave it there, and feel free to use it your­self to climb in and out. Af­ter all, you’re not get­ting any younger, so they say.

Here’s hop­ing your GPS doesn’t conk out on that spe­cial evening from Aurora Bo­re­alis mag­netic in­ter­fer­ence. Also, don’t park your sleigh and rein­deer too close to one of those Hy­dro smart me­ters. The word is they give off fre­quen­cies dan­ger­ous to one’s health.

Please, Santa, let my wish come true, and say hello to the Mis­sus for me.

E @ 45 Lad­der­less Way To: E @ 45 Lad­der­less Way

Re: Your Wish for a Mul­ti­pur­pose Tele­scopic Lad­der Greet­ings E, You are so right. I’m not get­ting any younger, can’t han­dle as much any­more, and have to slow things down here at the Pole. Con­se­quently, I have out­sourced some of my de­liv­ery du­ties to a num­ber of hold­ing com­pa­nies, each named af­ter one of my rein­deer. And to speed drop-offs even more, I’ve given them per­mis­sion to make ex­press de­liv­er­ies in ad­vance of the big day. But only to those who have been very good. Be­cause you have been ex­cep­tion­ally good, I have tasked the Rudolph team to de­liver the lad­der you wished for by mid-week. It is my most re­li­able team, be­cause Rudolph now has an in­te­grated GPS -Red Nose nav­i­ga­tion sys­tem to lead the way. By the way, we don’t do chim­neys any­more, ex­cept for small items, like toys for chil­dren. You will find your lad­der un­der the near­est ev­er­green in your back yard. Have fun with it! Must run now, be­cause the Mis­sus is call­ing me. Those elves leave such a mess ev­ery time we have to rush de­liv­er­ies and she needs my help in clean­ing up. Ho, Ho, Ho, etc... St. Nick

Ed Lypchuk Brockville

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