Mother ‘always kept her positive spirit’
“I’m still me.” In her final months, those were the words Tanya Lafleur lived by.
They were the words she shared with family and friends after receiving devastating news last July.
They were the words she left ingrained in the minds of those who love her.
When the wife and new mother was diagnosed with a cancer so rare it doesn’t have a name, she knew life would change.
Nevertheless, she was determined not to let the disease change her.
Though she died Tuesday, the 35-year-old Welland woman lived every moment to the fullest knowing each could be her last.
It was her passion for life and need to find the silver lining that most inspired Phil Porter, Lafleur’s father.
“The nine-month battle took everything out of her, but we can honestly say she smiled at us every day and always kept her positive spirit,” he says, thinking back over the difficult time.
Lafleur, who had been a law clerk and office manager at Elkin Injury Law in St. Catharines, received word two months ago that her condition was terminal.
Rather than shut the world out, she did her best to usher it in, spending as much time as possible with her loved ones and doing her best to push cancer aside.
Not one to shy away from difficult conversations, Lafleur would encourage those around her not to focus on her disease. Her appearance may have changed, but her heart remained steadfast.
Leaving thoughts of cancer at the door proved difficult for some people in Tanya’s life, Porter says, adding it left an impact on his daughter.
“One of Tanya’s wishes was to get her message to everyone: Please don’t let your fear of someone’s disease stop you from calling or visiting.”
The experience has taught Porter and others close to Lafleur that “we all take life for granted.”
“You hear and read every day sad stories about people passing. If it’s a friend or a distant family member, you send your prayers and condolences and life continues without change,” he says.
But t hen, “your heart i s crushed.”
“You have just experienced the worst thing a parent could ever go through in life,” he says.
“Watching for the next nine months your 35-year-old daughter battle and then pass away from a rare aggressive disease called cancer.”
Porte, wife, Lorraine, and Lafleur’s husband, Kevin, were all by her side when she took her last breath.
“As a parent, your life changes instantly,” Porter says.
“We are not the first to lose a child to a dreadful disease and we won’t be the last. It just happens to be our turn.”
The couple were certainly not alone in their loss.
“You also see your daughter’s husband completely devastated and heartbroken feeling the same gut-wrenching pain we do as parents,” Porter says.
“Try watching him cry his eyes out, sitting in a chair beside his wife with his 18-month-old daughter sitting on his lap, so innocent, who doesn’t have a clue she is about to lose her mother forever.”
Both Phil and Lorraine took pride in watching Kevin care for Lafleur and baby Magen over those nine difficult months.
“For nine months, he was dad and mom in that house,” Porter says.
“With a hug and a smile, Kevin always told us, ‘Your daughter is the love of my life and I will stay by her side and love and care for her for as long as her life gives her.’ As a parent you just don’t realize how comforting that is when you are at home trying to get a little rest, getting ready for the challenges of the next day.”
Without a doubt, life without Lafleur is hard. Tears, at times, seem endless. But inspired by his daughter’s strength, Porter and family press on.
They hope to teach young Magen, as she grows, about the “protective, loving and coura- geous” woman she calls Mom.
They intend to pass on Lafleur’s “strengths, values and love of life,” Phil says.
“And to let Magen know how much her mother loved her.”
Phil believes Tanya touched many lives — a fact made apparent when an April fundraiser to support the family drew 1,000 people.
Her family is hoping to see many of those faces Saturday during a celebration of her life at Pleasantview Funeral Home in Thorold.