When a beloved pet dies
Prepare for feelings of abandonment, the closing of a chapter, experts say
There’s no getting over Rover. Losing a pet is devastating — our beloved Mugsy was euthanized a month ago. We cried like babies, overwhelmed with grief, despondent that our 12-year-old red poodle wasn’t coming home ever again.
Mugsy wasn’t your ordinary dog, and our hearts are broken. Other pet owners can empathize — “your own pet is never ‘just a dog,’ ” says Dr. Frank McAndrew, psychology professor at Knox College and blogger in pyschologytoday.com. He had his dog Murphy put down in January.
Our affections are never objective when it comes to pets. Losing a dog can be harder than losing a relative or friend. “We have more contact with our pets than with most other human and our relationships with dogs can be even more satisfying than our human relationships,” says McAndrew. “They are a companion who does not judge us as well as an integral part of our daily routine.”
We’re lost without them and grieve the end of the unconditional positive feedback, the emotional comfort. There’s little in terms of societal rituals to help get us through the grief. “Recognize that your feelings are normal and that there is nothing to be embarrassed about,” McAndrew adds.
Brian Kilcommons has grieved the loss of six dogs over his lifetime, and although each death has been agonizing, living without a dog is a no go. He’s on another short, intense and joyful journey with his bullmastiff Sam and tiny terrier, Victoria.
“Every death has been emotionally crushing — it’s involuntary heart surgery. It feels like someone has reached down your throat and ripped out your heart,” says Kilcommons, premier dog behaviourist, author and trainer at greatpets. com.
Animals rescue us. Chronic loneliness is a modern-day epidemic. It’s considered a bigger health risk than obesity or smoking — loneliness kills. Human were not designed to be solitary creatures; we crave connection and research concludes that pets can compensate for the absence of human companionship.
Animals boost oxytocin levels, stimulating bonding and relaxation and easing stress.
Richard Waxman calls them fourlegged healers. The first person who says, “It was only a dog, you can get another one,” run the other way!
The loss of a dog is so intense because the life span of a dog is a relatively
short period of time in a human’s life, says Waxman, who runs a pet bereavement support group at pawsandhearts.org.
Many people feel guilty because they grieve their pet’s loss so very much, sometimes even more than a human loss. “Most friends and relatives don’t share the intimacy that
we share with our four-legged companions that’s why losing them is so unbearable,” says Waxman.
Prepare for feelings of abandonment, the closing of a chapter, that nagging question, “Did I do enough to take care of my dog or cat at the end? Should I really have euthanized when I did?”
If you had to euthanize your pet, don’t give yourself the guilt trip, stresses Waxman. “If the vet and your dog or cat told you it was time, then you did them a world of good to let them slip gently away. The word euthanize means ‘good death,’ and as rotten as it is to say goodbye, sometimes it has to be done.”