Surviving grief
Family donates their late brother’s organs
Award-winning harness racing driver and horse trainer Gordon Fleming stood in the winners’ circle of the St. John’s Racing and Entertainment Centre and accepted the award for his 95th win June 26, 2011.
Later, back at the barn, Gordon, 46, suffered a massive stroke. That day’s horse race would be his last.
He was rushed to hospital. Doctors immediately began to try to save his life.
The clot had worked its way up to his throat, and his brain had massive swelling. If they could get his condition stabilized, the doctors wanted to operate.
Instead, Gordon’s condition deteriorated. With no brain function left, his family decided to take him off life support July 2.
It was a hard decision for any family to make, but what they did next changed not only their lives but the lives of five other families as well.
Sitting on his sun-dappled back deck, Gordon’s brother David tells the story with deliberation. The left side of his mouth droops a little and his words are slurred.
Just two months before Gordon died, David had suffered his own stroke. It began with blurred vision and quickly spread to his left leg.
Luckily for David, the blockbuster bloodthinner prescribed for him worked, and within three weeks he was back at home.
His health has improved, and although the stroke might return, he doesn’t worry.
“I can’t live my life like that. Got too much to do,” David says.
David resumed care for his ailing 83-yearold mother after coming home from the hospital, but two weeks later his mother died of kidney failure.
Looking back, David thinks the timing of their mother’s death was for the best. If Gordon had to die, at least his mother was spared from watching it happen.
“There was so much hurt and pain in such a short period of time,” David says.
That’s why, when doctors initially asked David and his brothers and sisters if they would consider donating Gordon’s organs, some family members were unsure.
“It’s so personal when you make that decision. You take it as something has been taken from your loved one.” David says.
“But in actual fact, you’re giving of your loved one.”
David pulls out a placard covered in army medals and proudly holds it up. “All the giving started with this,” he says. He explains that his father, Gerald Fleming, served in the army during the Second World War. After putting his life on the line for his country, Gerald came back to St. John’s to start a family business, North West Taxi service.
He always taught his children that it’s not about what you get, but what you give, that matters.
“If you take a dollar, you’ll lose five,” David remembers his father saying.
Gordon inherited his father’s sense of duty. Once he saw a thief snatch an elderly woman’s purse on Water Street.
Pulling over the cab, Gordon chased the man down the block and returned her purse.
“When he seen help was needed, he done it,” David says.
When it came time to decide what to do with Gordon’s organs, all the family had to do was think about their brother’ personality, and the decision became clear.
“He would want to give. He would want to help. That was him,” Fleming says.
“So we as a family decided to give that gift of Gordy.”
Five of Gordon’s organs found recipients in Newfoundland, and David hopes that five other families were saved from the tragedy he and his family had to experience.
“We wanted to give life to someone else who was waiting for it,” David’s sister, Rhonda Peet says.
“It’s no different than getting the gift of life when you’re born,” David adds.
But the giving didn’t end with the organ donation.
Now the Flemings are organizing a fundraiser to raise money for Eastern Health’s organ donor program.
In honour of Gordon, the event will take place at St. John’s Racing and Entertainment Centre August 5.
“What a fitting day to have at the races,” Peet says.
The event will feature eight races, as well as a raffle and children’s activities. After the races, there will be a supper at the track.
All proceeds from the day go to the organ donor program.
The family’s goal is $25,000 and they’ve already made an impressive start.
A card game raised $2,500 and local businesses have sponsored the race’s horses for $500 each. So far, they’ve sold 30 sponsorships.
Peet says she hopes the fundraiser will encourage more people to put themselves on the organ donor list. If Gordon had been registered, the family wouldn’t have had to make such a big decision in the midst of mourning.
Since going through the process with Gordon, Peet has registered herself as an organ donor and asked her children to do the same.
David says the fundraiser is a thank you to the program not just for saving people’s lives, but for helping his family get through their grief.
“Thank you for helping us survive,” Fleming says.
He would want to give. He would want to help.
That was him.
David Fleming, brother of Gordon Fleming