Seasonal pains

I don’t know which season is worst this year, flu or winter. Both are dragging on like a speech from Ross Wiseman’s days as a minister, and I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to spring as much as right now. And it’s only mid-February. The cold and flu season has been particularly crappy at Bartlett House or, as I’ve been calling it, Chez Petrie Dish.

There hasn’t been a day in the past month when there wasn’t someone down with a cold, and we haven’t been able to get out of the house as a family.

In fact, my kids have only been outside two or three times this year.

As I write this, all four of us seem to be weathering our second bout of something this month.

My wife has diagnosed mine as “another man cold.”

Throughout our home, the tissues are flying, the humidifier is humidifying, and replenished stocks of infant, child and adult Advil are rapidly depleting again.

And the weeks of coughing, snorting, runny noses, sore throats, high temps and trips to the doctor are starting to take their toll.

I’m sick and tired of all the wheezing, the sneezing and the pleasing — because kids with colds can be a little on the demanding side (and so can ailing men, I’ve been advised).

I’m ready to raise the white flag in my ongoing battle to give our oldest child medicine, to help him blow his nose, to get him to eat or to let us take his temperature.

And my nerves are rubbed raw hearing the youngest who, at just six months old, cough like she’s been smoking 12 packs a day for 80 years.

My heart breaks every time she coughs because there’s not much medication you can give a child that age.

It’s all about as enjoyable as shovelfuls of snow heavier than the freaking Hibernia platform. Argh! Seriously, why does an intense snow system always seem to roll right into rain and mild temperatures?

The result is plaster-thick snow that can break backs, shovels and men.

Can’t we just get a winter where it stays cold, the snow is fluffy and you can shovel easily?

And wouldn’t it be great if, just once, the St. John’s area had a January, February and March where the snow stayed and you could plan outdoor activities like sliding, skiing, snowshoeing and skating on a backyard rink or a pond?

But, of course, being able to plan an outdoor activity wouldn’t matter much to the Bartlett clan.

We’d be too busy lying on the couch or in bed waiting out another cold or virus.