Cheers & Jeers

Cheers: to at least trying to do something. The provincial government is considering using the RNC to try to track down people with massive outstanding traffic fines on the books. The problem is that the Top 12 offenders don’t have things like banked assets that can be seized, or even addresses where collections officers can find them. The government thinks the police might have a better time locating the miscreants. The problem is that the government wants to find the guilty parties to see if the wisest decision would be to just write off the fines as uncollectible — and that sounds perilously like a free pass for offenders who couldn’t care less about the rules. One Telegram reader had another point about the “dirty dozen” list — there are people who would enjoy that kind of notoriety. And why give them even the least bit of satisfaction? Jeers: to playing chicken. Mount Pearl resident Larry Spurrell has been watching too many children crossing Smallwood Drive without a crosswalk after the kids leave the Team Gushue sports complex — and he’s been worried since last September, when he emailed city council. Spurrell says he’s seen plenty of jaywalking youngsters crossing through traffic, and he wants the council to put a crosswalk in place — but Mount Pearl Mayor Randy Simms says it’s not that simple: “These things are done with a certain amount of science attached to it. … The people that actually know traffic movement and how to deal with it are the ones who give you the recommendations, and those are the recommendations that we follow.” The city’s consultants are now looking at whether a crosswalk is needed, and will have an answer within a month. Let’s hope a decision comes before something tragic happens. After all, summer months are likely the busiest for the area, and that’s not rocket science. Jeers: to a Bay L’Argent Tuesday night. Here’s a segment of a court verdict on a case from that town. “There were a number of young men in Sheppard’s store after dark on Nov. 12, 2013. … The store contains tools, lobster pots and other equipment, a wood stove, and an all-terrain vehicle. There are also a few chairs, and sometimes people sit on the deep freezer. It was cold enough that they had the fire going in the wood stove to keep warm. The witnesses all agreed that they were talking, and generally getting along. Depending on the descriptions of the various witnesses, they were ‘carrying on’ and ‘mouthing off ’ to one another, but not ‘rough housing.’ It was all harmless fun, apparently, until the accused, who is 20 years old, picked up broken off metal broom handle, turned off the lights, and began striking the 14-year-old complainant with the piece of metal.” All fun and games until someone loses an eye… Cheers: OK, we’re speechless now. Every reporter in the world probably wants to write a story that starts like this one: “Onita Springs, Fla. — Police have released surveillance video of a trio of naked thieves stealing 60 hamburgers from an eatery in southwest Florida. Police say the men — two entirely naked and one in his underwear — broke in early Sunday and left a trail of red peppers on the beach. They also made off with three pounds of bacon, the Fort Myers News-Press reported.” Shots from the surveillance cameras are online if you’re so darned keen — try http://news.nationalpost.com/2014/07/24/security-cameras-catch-three-naked-men-in-middle-of-latenight-hamburger-heist-at-florida-restaurant.