‘That one time turned into 15 months of every day stealing, lying, hustling’
Recovering crack cocaine addict says she had to wait 12 weeks for rehab
Renee Stride knows all too well about struggling with addiction. The 43-year-old has lived a double life in the past: the public one as a hard-working mother of three and a hidden one as a crack cocaine addict.
When she decided it was time to finally get help, she had to wait 12 weeks to get into rehab.
She’s now advocating for better awareness and increased services in central Newfoundland, where she’s from.
FIRST TIME
Stride had used drugs such as marijuana in the past, even when she was a teenager. She didn’t start using hard drugs until a few years ago.
“I had a car accident. I was having gallbladder pain, so they put me on Percocet. The guy I was dating said, ‘If you sniffed those, they work so much better.’ So, stupid me, of course, I listened to it. That’s how that started,” Stride says.
“That was the first time I ever abused drugs, so I admitted to my family doctor that I was abusing them. He took me off cold turkey. So, then I had to turn to the streets for drugs.”
DOUBLE LIFE
That was only the beginning of her struggle with addiction. She had bouts of addiction, but also maintained a life in between.
“I was still doing it. I started to work for a bit. I went back to school and got my Grade 12. I started to work full time. Between being a single mom and working my 15 or 16 hours a day with three kids, I was exhausted. I went to do cocaine,” says Stride.
“After about a year or so, doing it just to stay awake and function, I went up there to buy one day and he never had no cocaine. All he had was crack. I went home. I was in classes, so I went right back home and I started smoking crack cocaine.”
Stride was deep in addiction, but her kids didn’t know about her addiction at that point.
“When I got full-fledged into crack cocaine, my kids went with their dad. I got them back in between,” she says.
TRYING TO QUIT
Stride did try to quit, many times.
“I quit a couple times. I went on the methadone program, I quit. I went to rehab. I went to Humber Wood, which was great. I always did it for my kids, for my mom, whatever it was, never for me. I always fell off the wagon,” she says.
In 2021, she moved to Gander after being in rehab on the west coast. Over time, Stride got her carpentry diploma and managed to stay off drugs for nine months.
“I was clean for nine months, and on our ninemonth anniversary, I said we should have a treat. Stupid of me. We went and had a treat and we just started off doing (cocaine) and then we said, ‘We’re strong enough, we can have (crack),’” she says.
“That one time turned into 15 months of every day stealing, lying, hustling, and between work and raising the kids, I was living a double life kind of thing. Every day, nonstop, for 15 months, I was smoking crack cocaine.”
HOME LIFE
Stride lived in a one-bedroom basement apartment in Gander at the time with her boyfriend and two of her kids. Looking for a bigger apartment, they planned a move to Lewisporte.
During the move, when Stride’s boyfriend was in Botwood to pick up a moving truck, her addiction started to affect her home life.
“I was supposed to get all my stuff packed, but instead I went and took my moving money and I went out and had (crack cocaine),” she recalls.
“I spent my moving money. I got home at 6 a.m. (My boyfriend) showed up at 7 a.m. I never had one thing packed. I watched my son and my boyfriend pack what they could.”
BREAKING POINT
The rest of her belongings were left in her apartment. That was the breaking point for her.
“I prayed and I said, ‘Show me the way. Help me get through this life I got made for myself.’ We moved to Lewisporte. Dec. 8 was the last time I ever used,” she said.
“I went through mental health. I called in to the 1-800 number to an intake worker.”
Stride was eventually set up with a social worker from mental health and addictions. She says that worker changed her life.
“I’ve seen so many — like through Doorways and walkins and a lot of different people. She is, by far, one in a million. She does stuff with me at our sessions every two weeks. She sends me home with homework. She gives me daily diaries that I got to write in every day,” says Stride.
STAYING CLEAN
Her addiction support is ongoing, and she has a firsthand view of what services are available.
“I’m 129 days clean and life is freaking wonderful. There’s not a whole lot of mental health and addictions (support) out there.
It is out there, but it’s not talked about a lot. Now it is because there’s so much addiction and there’s so much homelessness, it’s crazy,” she says.
“It’s not announced a lot. It should be posted in more places and there should be more talk about it instead of it being hush hush.”
NOT ALL GOOD EXPERIENCES
She says some people aren’t as lucky with the addiction support workers they are assigned. Her boyfriend has bad teeth, and she says one nurse kept focusing on his teeth instead of the addiction. Stride says her boyfriend was sent into a deep depression after that interaction.
Experiences like that, she says, are behind a lot of people’s struggles.
Another big issue for Stride was waiting for rehab.
“I have had a lot of support from mental health. They were always good,” she says.
“Rehab was OK. I think there should be more. Because there’s a lot of people wanting to go to rehab, some wants to go not for themselves but because they got to. There’s not enough rehab in Newfoundland, there’s only two, and the wait list is 12 weeks long.”
NEW BEGINNING
Despite the struggles, Stride is starting over. She’s more than four months clean and plans to look for work.
“I’m going to start looking for work this summer now. We just moved to Lewisporte. I got my carpentry degree,” she says.
Among other things, Stride wants to write a book someday, or even a series of books, and become a motivational speaker. She wants people to know her story.
“I always lived a double life, but since I got clean this time, I’m constantly sharing my story and hope that I can help somebody one day. If it was only one person, then my job is done.”