What to do when opinions differ

Stay safe and be kind.

We see these reminders on billboards around town a lot these days. We end our emails with “Stay safe!” The cashier at the store says, “Have a great day and stay safe!” We know what to do to stay safe, but what about being kind? What does that mean exactly?

I was talking to a family member the other day and, after we’d finished talking about the weather, what we’re having for supper and our pets, it wasn’t long before I realized we were on different tracks politically and spiritually.

It’s not that it matters so much, but the things we’re passionate about are the things we want to talk about, especially with people close to us. People these days can get pretty passionate and stirred up about politics, especially the politics south of the border. And people can also get worked up about religion and spirituality.

As he went on about American leadership, the insurrection and views on COVID-19, he was getting more and more passionate and I was getting increasingly uncomfortable. Should I end the call? Should I drive home my point of view and everything I thought was wrong about his position?

While he spoke, the battle raged within me. I managed to interrupt him long enough to have a conversation — mother to son, family member to family member.

Here’s what I started with: “I respect your point of view, even if I don’t agree with it, because I realize you need to be heard. And, in return, please respect my point of view, even if you don’t agree with it, because I also need to be heard. I will not try to get you to my way of thinking and I don’t want you to try to get me to your way of thinking.”

That’s what respect is all about. We had a long conversation about that and then we went on to mundane motherson things like food, winter, work and family. He told me about his dog’s new trick and I told him about my broken elbow.

Finally, I told him I love him and that the very most important thing in my life is family. He said he felt the same. And we talked about the fact that families have split up over lesser things than opposing political views and religious differences. I didn’t want that to happen to us.

I tried to express to him that the only way to keep a good relationship was showing mutual respect and kindness. That’s where the kindness part comes in.

We agreed that to be kind to each other meant there would be no judgment, snickering or eye rolling when listening to the other. Instead, there would be kindness, compassion and understanding, even if we didn’t agree. There’s no point in arguing about these things because good people can have very different views.

How have you handled those types of discussions with your friends, family and acquaintances?