Mixed mes­sages from mom have teen look­ing for clar­ity

The Western Star - - Life - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.Dear­Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 17. My mom and I of­ten dis­agree on things. Don’t get me wrong — I don’t care what she does in her free time, but lately I have learned she’s talk­ing to peo­ple about bi­sex­u­al­ity. I don’t know how to han­dle this or how to talk to her about it.

I feel be­trayed. When I told her I was gay, she re­jected my sex­u­al­ity, and now she’s pos­si­bly want­ing re­la­tion­ships with other fe­males? Even now, when we watch the news and some­thing about the LGBT com­mu­nity comes on, she still mut­ters about mar­riage be­ing be­tween one man and one woman.

I don’t want things to es­ca­late into a big blowup over this be­cause our re­la­tion­ship is just be­ing re­paired. Please help me. Am I wrong to be con­cerned, or do I have the right to be? — TEEN IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR TEEN: I don’t think it would es­ca­late into an ar­gu­ment if you were to tell your mother you are con­fused by the mixed mes­sages you’re get­ting from her. It should be the open­ing of an in­ter­est­ing dis­cus­sion, as long as you don’t let it de­te­ri­o­rate into a fight. It seems odd to me, too, that she would re­ject your sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion if she’s lean­ing in both di­rec­tions her­self.

As to her feel­ings about mar­riage equal­ity, you might be in­ter­ested to know that not every­one thinks the idea of mar­riage (LGBT or oth­er­wise) is ap­peal­ing. If your mother is in­ter­ested in open re­la­tion­ships, she may be part of that group.

DEAR ABBY: I went on a road trip with a friend who is nor­mally kind and gen­er­ous. She in­sisted on driv­ing the en­tire way. She of­ten ex­ceeded the speed limit and kept less than 20 feet be­tween us and the 18wheel truck ahead.

She read texts, an­swered her cell­phone and made phone calls while she was driv­ing. She’s very demon­stra­tive when she talks, so while she drove, hold­ing her cell with her left hand, she’d take her other hand off the wheel to ges­ture. More than once she nearly hit a guardrail. I was so fright­ened I broke into sobs. She re­sponded by laugh­ing at me! Can you give me a tact­ful way to tell her how dan­ger­ous her driv­ing re­ally is? — TERRIFIED IN MEM­PHIS

DEAR TERRIFIED: No, be­cause it’s ob­vi­ous that your friend is in deep de­nial not only about how dan­ger­ous her driv­ing is, but also about how it af­fects her pas­sen­gers and other driv­ers around her. But I can sug­gest that from now on, YOU pro­vide the trans­porta­tion if you’re go­ing any­place to­gether. You were lucky this time. The next time it could cost you your life.

DEAR ABBY: One day, I found two bot­tles of wine un­der my hus­band’s bed. I told him I had found them and he didn’t have to hide wine from me. Yes­ter­day, I found two bot­tles of beer in his un­der­wear drawer.

This is un­usual be­hav­ior for a 65-year-old man. He is re­tired. I am still work­ing. What should I do? — PER­PLEXED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PER­PLEXED: It’s im­por­tant that you find out what’s caus­ing your hus­band to act this way. No­tify your doc­tor there has been a sudden change in his be­hav­ior and sched­ule phys­i­cal and neu­ro­log­i­cal ex­ams for him. When se­niors be­gin hid­ing items for no rea­son, it could in­di­cate the on­set of de­men­tia.

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