Friend goes to bat with boss and wins co-worker a raise

The Western Star - - LIFE - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, Calif., 90069.

DEAR ABBY: I have reached a cross­roads with my ca­reer. I used to love my job. I play an im­por­tant role at my com­pany, and I’m good at what I do. Long term, it pro­vides job se­cu­rity. How­ever, the pay is sub­par and my re­cent re­quest for a raise was de­nied. I haven’t re­ceived a raise in sev­eral years. I couldn’t get a straight an­swer about the de­nial. I was told it wasn’t my work per­for­mance.

I have started look­ing else­where, and I have sev­eral in­ter­views sched­uled. All of them will give me a $15,000-per-year salary in­crease over what I cur­rently make for do­ing what I do. I wasn’t ask­ing that much for a raise, not even close.

But what makes this dif­fi­cult is my co-work­ers. They are devastated at the thought of me leav­ing. One of them, some­one I’m fairly close to, was so an­gry he went to our boss him­self with­out my knowl­edge. I don’t know what he said, but he got me a raise, al­beit a very small one.

How­ever, my heart is set on leav­ing. While I ap­pre­ci­ate his go­ing out on a limb for me, I now feel “ob­li­gated” to stay. Abby,

I’m hav­ing a hard time with this. Can you help? — MOV­ING ON IN THE EAST

DEAR MOV­ING ON: Have a pri­vate con­ver­sa­tion with the friend who went to bat for you. Tell him you ap­pre­ci­ate what he did, but when your boss re­fused the raise you asked for — after sev­eral years of no in­crease at all — you re­al­ized you were no longer val­ued by the com­pany. Ex­plain that when you went job-hunt­ing you were of­fered far more than you have been earn­ing, and this will be a step up for you.

It doesn’t have to mean the end of your re­la­tion­ship with him or the oth­ers who care about you. It might stim­u­late him to go job-hunt­ing, too.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago I was sex­u­ally as­saulted by a friend of a friend. I’ll call the man Pete and the friend Katie. I im­me­di­ately told Katie about it, and we didn’t hang out with Pete much after that. Life went on, and I for­got about it.

I re­cently learned that Katie is en­gaged to Pete now. They are liv­ing in an­other state, and she asked for my ad­dress so she can send me an in­vi­ta­tion to their wed­ding. I’m not plan­ning on at­tend­ing, but how should I tell her I’m not com­ing? We haven’t been close in years, but she was a brides­maid in my wed­ding. Should I just send the RSVP card back with a “no,” or should I let her know upfront? — CAUGHT OFF GUARD IN


DEAR CAUGHT: I as­sume that after Katie mar­ries the “friend” who sex­u­ally as­saulted you, your re­la­tion­ship will be over. While you may have re­pressed the mem­ory un­til now, I find it hard to be­lieve that all three of you had an at­tack of am­ne­sia. There’s no need to con­tact her at this point to re­mind her of what her fi­ance is ca­pa­ble of. Just say no. If she con­tacts you to ask why, ex­plain it to her then.

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