This is what a deer looks like

FIRST LET ME MAKE a quick statement. Pickup trucks bear very little resemblance to deer. I and the overwhelming majority of hunters in Ontario and elsewhere know this, so rest easy.

Last week in the U.S., however, a news story introduced us to the exception. You might have heard about the hunter who shot a pickup truck that he mistook for a deer.

If there is a bright side to this it is that– unlike the hunter’s reputation – the truck will probably make a full recovery. The other bright side is that I drive an SUV.

Even so, I find this incident troubling on so many levels. It is unfortunate primarily because someone could have got killed or hurt, but also because it gives hunters a bad name – one perhaps even worse than Percival.

With that in mind, let’s break this down and determine what we have learned from this sorry incident.

I think the first big takeaway for anyone who hunts is never cheap out on an optometrist. I’m pretty sure if this guy had not relied

on Internet optical self-diagnosis, he might not have shot that truck.

Next, if you have deepseated anger issues regarding vehicles in general or trucks in specific, you should seek therapy before it gets out of control.

On the other hand, this could have been a case of truck fever. With that in mind, here are a few proven tips to help combat this strange form of vehicular manslaughter.

We will begin by examining the key features that make a truck different from a deer.

To begin with, if you are unsure of whether the thing you are considering putting a bullet into is a deer or a truck, take a moment to look for tires. They are those round things that keep a vehicle off the ground. Trucks have them; deer do not.

Another key indicator is rust, chrome, fuzzy dice or a shiny paint job. Again, these are not features commonly found on deer, so step away from your firearm if you notice them.

If the potential deer vocalizes in a strange way, say by going beep-beep or vroom-vroom, you are probably looking at a truck.

Also, just because it drove by a deer crossing, doesn’t make it a deer. Further to that, if you see some balls hanging, before you assume it’s a buck, look closely to ensure that they are not attached to a trailer hitch. A trailer hitch attachment could either mean they are the fake rubber kind hung by a “class act” or that they are real and someone sprinted too close to the trailer hitch after the shooting started.

If you are still unsure after checking all these things, look for a rearview mirror as this is something deer definitely do not possess in the wild. Nor is it common for deer to be adorned with bumper stickers that proclaim, “Share the Road” or “Honk if you love Jesus!”

Also – and this is key – most full-sized trucks are substantially larger than deer.

If after all this, you are still unsure of the difference between a deer and a pickup truck, I would suggest you hang around parking lots or automobile dealerships in the off-season until you can identify a truck, 100 per cent of the time. Do not take a rifle with you.

Lastly, just to be clear, when you go to the department of motor vehicles to get a licence for a car, it doesn’t give you the right to hunt them.