Give your­self the gift of for­give­ness

Tillsonburg News - - OPINION - Kelly Spencer

(ex­cerpts of this Happy Healthy yOU col­umn are taken from Kelly M. Spencer’s new book Des­tiny, life & Self-lead­er­ship.)

I have learned to love the syn­chronic­i­ties in life. You know, when you see a re­peated pat­tern or theme show up over and over un­til you sim­ply can’t ig­nore it any longer.

Re­cently, the theme of for­give­ness has been pre­sented in var­ied forms in life coach­ing clients, per­sonal ac­quain­tances and even in my own life. I have seen folks try­ing to move for­ward through the emo­tions and re­sent­ment caused by loss or hurt­ful ac­tion to­wards them. Whether the loss was a job, or part­ner, a friend­ship or just a sit­u­a­tion that they feel is un­fair.

I am sure in our lives, we have all had to for­give a sit­u­a­tion, a per­son or an event that we felt per­ceived pain from. Some­times these ex­act sit­u­a­tions might be the best thing that hap­pened to us. I re­mem­ber when I was still nurs­ing at a job that had a toxic en­vi­ron­ment with co-work­ers that com­plained about ev­ery­thing and pit­ted staff against each other. I ended up hav­ing to leave the job and I was hurt by the way these peo­ple acted. The truth was that I was get­ting ready to open my busi­ness, Indigo Lounge Well­ness Cen­tre, and I would not have been able to do it as ef­fec­tively if I had kept this part-time job.

We of­ten iden­tify this more eas­ily when view­ing as an outsider, as we ob­serve some­one else’s dilemma. I am sure we can iden­tify this in per­haps a friend in a ro­man­tic part­ner­ship that is dys­func­tional or job role that is de­spised. Then sud­denly the part­ner or the job are gone. We of­ten hurt be­cause it wasn’t a de­par­ture on our terms. Our ego takes the hit as we travel the path of hurt, re­jec­tion, in­ad­e­quacy, be­trayal and so on.

We have a choice to feel the feels and work through them by val­i­dat­ing and / or sift­ing through the ir­ra­tional thoughts of mind trick­ery. Or we can take all the hurt, re­jec­tion and be­trayal and pack it tight into a gi­ant ball of re­sent­ment and store it in our­selves.

The power of at­trac­tion de­liv­ers us what­ever we focus on. What we give our at­ten­tion to ex­pands, whether “good” or “bad.” We store the en­ergy in our bod­ies. If we are hang­ing on to un­for­giv­ing emo­tions and all the en­er­gies that go with it, we also store that en­ergy in our cel­lu­lar mem­ory as lower vi­bra­tional en­ergy which can show up in dis­ease.

For­give­ness can be a very dif­fi­cult place to get to when there has been ex­treme pain caused. We feel some­how that our for­give­ness to the sit­u­a­tion or per­son will of­fer this ad­ver­sity a power and ac­cep­tance of the per­ceived wrong do­ing. But if we can iden­tify that for­give­ness em­pow­ers us by not hold­ing us hostage to past mem­o­ries and their as­so­ci­ated lower, un­healthy vi­bra­tions, we can step into for­give­ness with more ease be­cause it is good for our health and hap­pi­ness. We for­give, for our own well-be­ing.

Giv­ing our­selves per­mis­sion to not only for­give the sit­u­a­tion or per­son that we feel has cre­ated pain or dif­fi­culty, but also giv­ing our­selves per­mis­sion to for­give our­selves is im­per­a­tive. If we are to be pow­er­ful self-lead­ers of our own re­al­ity, then for­give­ness in all di­rec­tions can clear en­ergy out that is not serv­ing us.

When we carry re­sent­ments and old emo­tions, we al­low them to snow­ball and mu­tate. They take space within our be­ing which shows up in phys­i­cal dis­ease. By mak­ing some­one or some­thing out to be the bad guy, we vil­lainize them. Where there is a vil­lain, there is a vic­tim. So, we ul­ti­mately vic­tim­ize our­selves, mak­ing our­selves weaker and dis­em­pow­ered.

We for­give to clear the en­ergy within us.

We for­give our­selves.

My friend taught me the four di­rec­tions of for­give­ness that I im­ple­ment when I am strug­gling to re­lease the en­ergy of a sit­u­a­tion, es­pe­cially in­volv­ing a spe­cific per­son.

I give my­self per­mis­sion to for­give you.

I give my­self per­mis­sion to for­give my­self.

I give you per­mis­sion to for­give me.

I give you per­mis­sion to for­give you.

Some­times, we are not even aware of the en­ergy of the un­for­give­ness within our­selves. Sev­eral years ago, a per­son in my life that I had men­tored and sup­ported by of­fer­ing op­por­tu­nity, guid­ance and as­sis­tance did some­thing I per­ceived as un­eth­i­cal and as be­trayal. I ver­bally let them know my up­set with them and then I let them go. I worked through for­giv­ing them from a dis­tance (re­mem­ber for­give­ness doesn’t mean you have to go be best buds with some­one) and I moved for­ward. I re­ally felt as thought I had re­solved the sit­u­a­tion.

Re­cently, this per­son reached out to me. The olive branch was ex­tended, and more re­solve con­cluded.

to em­power I didn’t have any idea that I had still been carry any re­sent­ment to­wards the sit­u­a­tion un­til I had the op­por­tu­nity to clear the air even fur­ther. It felt fan­tas­tic to let go any rem­nant of re­sent­ment and to of­fer for­give­ness to this per­son for the way they dealt with the sit­u­a­tion, as well as for­give­ness to my­self for the way I had dealt with it.

In yoga we learn about the en­ergy of the heart chakra sym­bol which is of love, har­mony and bal­ance. A heavy heart is one that car­ries re­sent­ment and anger from de­nied feel­ing and emo­tions, as well as guilt. To have a healthy heart, you must al­low these sup­pressed emo­tions to sur­face and heal in an act of self-love, or we can suf­fer from bit­ter­ness and lack of for­give­ness.

The 365th day of our cal­en­dar year has been called the Day out of Time. It is the last day in our an­nual cy­cle and is a day to cel­e­brate peace through cul­ture and prac­tice uni­ver­sal for­give­ness, so that ev­ery­one can start the next year fresh. So per­haps make a list of any­one or any­thing that you would like to re­lease. If it doesn’t cre­ate more harm than good, per­haps even reach out to the per­son. Or write out some of the de­tails on a piece of pa­per, then toss it in a fire as you re­lease the en­ergy of the sit­u­a­tion fur­ther and give your­self the gift, of for­give­ness.

ChriS Ab­bott/till­SOn­bUrg newS

Jim Don­ald­son from the Till­son­burg Ro­tary Club pre­sented the Grade 3 stu­dents at Annandale Pub­lic School with dic­tio­nar­ies. From left are Don­ald­son, and three of the stu­dents - Michael Brown, Mar­shall Mor­ris and Kay­dan Weaver. The Ro­tary Club pro­vides the dic­tio­nar­ies to help pro­mote lit­er­acy.

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