Overwhelmed by demands of technology

Dear Rhona: My inbox is loaded with messages from people I don’t know selling drugs (no prescription needed) and opportunities to see weird sex acts or meet up with lonely housewives or underage partners. That’s not to mention companies who want me to know I am being spied on, or alternatively that I can spy on others.

I have filters and spamware but it slips through. Some days I wonder where we are all headed. Is this progress?

Emailed Out

Dear EO: Yes, we are wired to the pulsing universe of instant overflow communication and, as we have discovered, our online life is open to being Big-Brothered. We lack privacy and are drowning in a tsunami of mortgage rates, porno offers and disturbed teens with webcams.

I don’t know a techno fix for your malaise, but you might want to save one email address for friends and family only. Avoid sending out group emails that have “CC” instead of BCC (blind copy). This is one way for spammers to grab your email address and those of all your pals.

Progress? Maybe. If aliens landed here, they’d think we are soft slaves kowtowing to assorted machines, idiots bossed around by smartphones and computers.

There’s no limit to the human imagination. Unfortunately, some of what we conjure up is sad, sick or sociopathic. Balance your geeky world with real human company.

Dear Rhona: I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost four years. Since the beginning of this year, we have had some dumb arguments. When I try to discuss her bad mood, it escalates into something worse. I have basically begged her to tell me what is going on.

Last weekend, our fight ended with my girlfriend breaking items in my home and me damaging her vehicle in fury. This is a first.

Her parents do not want me seeing her again, and I understand where they are coming from, but my girlfriend knows this isn’t a one-sided affair.

She wants to talk it over. We are both willing to go to counselling to see if we can salvage our relationship.

I can see myself with her forever. Do you think there is any hope?

What To Do?

Dear WTD: When people start flinging the Lalique crystal and backing vehicles into brick walls, there’s clearly a problem greater than mere compatibility. You both need to examine your problem-solving skills and the health of the overall relationship.

Sometimes couples are ill suited, not because there’s a bad guy and good guy, but because they bring out the worst in each other.

You don’t say how old you guys are. If she still lives at home because she is under 21, I’d say that you don’t have much of a future together. Your younger years should be spent sorting through permutations of associations to gather information about what works and what doesn’t. If you had a child, then the motivation to find peace and compromise would be greater.

Be honest as to whether you want to remain a couple because aloneness scares you, and whether this is the fantasy love affair you dreamed about when you imagined being in a couple.

If it is too far off, then be honest and move on, no matter how hard it is.

Dear Rhona: I have been widowed for two years now. I met this fellow and one thing led to another. Yes, we did use protection, but can you get any kind of diseases despite this? I’ve never had to worry about because these issues because I knew I was safe with my husband.

Any information you could give me would be greatly appreciated. Does a woman go so bold as to ask the man she is with if he is safe? What else do I need to know?

New at Dating Dear ND: You are like a time traveller who has popped open his time capsule, to find out that the world has changed a great deal since the beginning of the journey.

What do you need to know? For starters there’s a few germs and viruses since you hung out in the playground. And although latex offers some serious protection against most of the meanest microbes, there are no money-back guarantees in the event of failure.

You have to imagine that you are running your own Homeland Security and that it is imperative that all visitors have clearance before entering. It is not rude to ask for concrete proof — an STD-free certificate — before engaging in any frolicking. Just asking “are you safe?” is not enough.

I don’t want to scare you out of engaging in the best free adult recreation there is — just be careful.

And don’t sacrifice knowledge for the sake of manners — it’s a misperception to believe that excellent etiquette will protect you from anything unhealthy.