Coping mechanism kicks in
Musical memories provide an escape from dejection brought on by Trump’s victory
On the night of the American election, I bought a bottle of champagne. It was the genuine article, not one of those inexpensive substitutes (hello prosecco!) the Chamberlain family usually acquires in anticipation of revelry.
“At this moment of celebration, on such a historic occasion, one must have the real thing,” I told my daughter and her boyfriend, who joined us on election night. I felt wise, fatherly, chock full of Jimmy Stewart/ Garrison Keillor sagacity.
Sadly, like a cyronics patient awaiting happier days, the champagne remains chilling in my daughter’s fridge. America has opted for the reality TV star with hair designed by Frank Gehry. They chose a political novice who wants to build a wall to keep out Mexicans and has been endorsed by the former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. In short, a total knob. Well, we must move on. The people have spoken. Yes, one can march about with a placard that says: “Not my president!” But that doesn’t do any good — especially in Canada.
No doubt many of us are upset at the notion of Donald Trump phoning up Barack Obama and saying: “Um … how does this president-y stuff work again?” Not to worry. The key to easing one’s post-election pain is self-care and coping strategies.
For instance, after the election, I took refuge in my “man cave.” This is a room full of music memorabilia. There’s nothing like wallowing in nostalgia to escape reality.
Seeking solace, I studied my signed picture of Ray Charles. For the first time, it occurred to me the writing was suspiciously neat, more like a schoolgirl’s cursive than the autograph of a sightless musician. Had I been duped? Well, at least it got my mind off Trump’s proposed Muslim registry.
There’s a framed Solomon Burke T-shirt, boasting an autograph I’m a little more sure of. There’s a copy of Martha and the Vandellas’ 1966 LP Watchout! issued by Tamla/Motown. There’s a tattered 1950s photo of Billy Ward and His Dominoes, including a yet-to-be famous Jackie Wilson.
And, most precious of all, there’s a vintage publicity still of the original Raelettes (of Ray Charles fame). And it’s signed by two of them: Darlene McCrea and Gwendolyn Berry.
“Oh Darlene and Gwen, you’d never have voted for the orange-haired one, would you?” I whispered. In my reverie, I’d practically forgotten about the time Trump asked a foreign-policy expert why America can’t use nuclear weapons.
“Hey, what are you doing?” said my wife, entering the man cave with a basket of laundry.
“Self care,” I said. “Not to mention moping … I mean, coping.”
Some might mock my way of dealing with the election, deeming it “ostrich-like” or “curiously infantile” or “displaying an inflated sense of the Raelettes’ importance in musical history.” However, I’m not alone in my self-help exercises.
For instance, it was reported that children at a New York private school were provided therapy dogs to cuddle in the wake of Trump’s victory. And the University of Michigan law school planned something called Post-Election Self-Care with Food and Play. Students were to alleviate their Trumpish fears by colouring, blowing bubbles and manipulating Play-Doh.
Cornell University hosted a “cry in,” in which students huddled in a circle shedding tears and hugging each other. One Yale professor allowed his students to skip their midterms because they were “shocked” by the election results.
For those still struggling to cope with the American electorate’s decision to make like lemmings sprinting toward a cliff, the web provides a plethora of self-help articles.
WikiHow, the “world’s most popular selfhelp website,” advises us not to worry about Trump becoming a dictator. The site suggests that, unlike Americans, “Germans had little to lose and, at the time, thought Hitler was their only hope.” Hmmm.
Meanwhile, a headline in the Washington Post encouragingly proclaims “Give Steve Bannon a chance. It’s not like he’s literally Goebbels.” Less encouragingly, the article goes on to compare Trump’s henchman to a “pig’s head slowly rotting on a stake” and a “dead lizard wrapped in the Confederate flag.”
A story headlined “15 ways to cope with post-election stress” suggests curbing election anxiety by placing bags of ice or frozen peas on the top half of one’s face. This, apparently triggers the mammalian dive reflex and tells the brain it’s time to slow down.
The piece also recommends adopting a mantra to cope with stress. It’s a good idea. Right now, I’m toying with: “This, too, shall pass,” “It’ll be over in four years,” or “Drop kick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life.”