10 things I’ve learned from home schooling
Some call it homeschooling. Others call it a great opportunity to search for Hunger Games fan films online without pesky interruptions from teachers.
Whatever you call it, it’s a great learning experience — just not in the traditional, academic sense.
Here are 10 things I have learned while schools are closed:
1. The family that stays home together can at least fold the laundry that has been sitting in the living room for two weeks. Or not.
2. Apparently, you can do pretty much whatever you want online as long as you tell your mother you’re on a Zoom meeting for school.
3. It’s totally unfair that teachers get to mute kids and parents don’t.
4. Homeschooling gives kids time to dig into life’s deepest mysteries, such as why, if everyone was home all day, does the dishwasher still need unloading?
5. Accomplishing a dance from TikTok is a perfectly good learning objective for physical education.
6. Given the right amount of time, any carefully planned schedule that incorporates academic objectives, art, music and physical education will eventually devolve into: 9:30-10: get up, have breakfast 10-noon: Learn a TikTok dance Noon-1: lunch 1-2: FaceTime with friends 2-3: Do some online shopping 3-4: Catch up on the latest episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine
4-5: Check out what your favourite YouTube families are up to (“Look: Camryn had her baby!”)
(If parents get too close to the screen, immediately switch to an online math game)
7. If you’ve got a laptop, wherever you are is a workstation. On the bed, under the bed, on the couch, behind the couch. The main thing is not to overthink it. Actually, it’s not to think about it at all. Just remember: Never use the same spot twice. In one day.
To ensure your parents can track your progress throughout the day, leave a crusty cereal bowl or crumb-filled plate and glass with a rubbery ring of milk residue behind at each “work station.”
8. The key to success in homeschooling is low expectations. Very low expectations. My 12year-old spends half an hour on the couch with Dork Diaries, does a math worksheet and jumps on the trampoline for 15 minutes and I feel like mother of the year. Reading, math and PhysEd! I am so nailing this teaching thing.
9. I get that that’s not how your teacher does it, but it’s the only way I know how to do it (and it’s the right way).
10. Teaching is best left to professionals.