It’s never too late to reshape your future

Dear Ellie: I married my highschool sweetheart. I’m nothing to look at, she was a “10.” We had great times and low spots, too. And three great children.

Around 2001, I discovered a letter in her handwriting with some pretty outrageous information and painful to read as I headed out the door for work.

I didn’t bother coming home for two weeks, then broke down and called her. We met and decided to attend counselling. That was a disaster.

She disclosed nothing — not how long it was, not any particulars whatsoever. In my mind it was a three-year affair. She had a high-profile job that allowed her to escape for a rendezvous at any time. Our kids were teenagers at this time.

The guy, whom we both know, is very rich and 20 years her senior. I called him and threatened him, but I believe it fell on uncaring ears. I suppose he gets what he wants… he told me that once.

Now, at 66, my life is finished. It’s been 10 years since she’s shown me any kind of love or affection. I’m overweight, which she never liked, and we have had separate bedrooms for 15 years. I’m sad to watch my final years slip away without the friend I’ve come to know.

We both have extra poundage, but I still see the 15-yearold girl I met by accident.

I don’t want to start over, but thinking on what they did consumes me. I need to forgive if I want forgiveness. That’s a tough one for me.

Lost Love

You’re not so tough as you say, or you wouldn’t have written to me.

Yes, she cheated on you and that hurts like hell at any age — then and now. But you have years left and choices you can still make.

Your kids are grown, you can stay connected to them and yet choose another life for yourself through other interests than focusing on the past.

Whether that means joining virtual groups, being active to lose that extra weight and/or dating online to find someone you want to consider meeting in person — all are possible.

So, too, is recognizing that your wife did not choose to seek a separation or divorce. She may have initially had reasons based on her high profile at work, but that time has passed and she’s still sharing a home with you.

Your original counselling experience was a failure based on her silence. That was then. Now, you could benefit on your own by talking to a therapist.

You’ve accepted a personal “lockdown” of your emotions and any future options. It’s an unhelpful, unhealthy and unnecessary way to carry on.

Find your inner courage to try something else.