Holiday to Hawaii leads to fallout in family

Dear Lisi: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. The first two years were in university, and then we moved back to our hometown. At first, we lived with our respective parents, while we tried to find jobs. And now, for the past year, we have lived together.

We both have jobs we like, that pay well enough for us to afford our apartment, do fun things and even travel a bit. Once a year, my parents take my whole family away, and they always include my boyfriend and pay for him.

His parents have never done anything like that, until this year. They’re taking his whole family (two younger siblings) on a twoweek vacation to Hawaii, which is far from where we live on the East Coast.

My boyfriend assumed I would be invited, and that his parents would pay for everything, as my parents have done. Both our parents are from similar socio-economic platforms.

Last week I was over for dinner and told them how excited I was for this trip, and that I had already asked for the time off work.

Imagine both our shock when his parents looked at each other and then stated that I wasn’t included in this family trip. My boyfriend thought they were joking. But they weren’t. I was so embarrassed that I faked a headache and went to my parents’. My boyfriend ended up having a huge fight with his parents and left. Now, we don’t know what to do.

Awkward

Take a breath. I suggest that your boyfriend speaks with his parents first, alone, and calmly. He should ask them why their first instinct is to not include you. Is it financial? Is it just something they want to do alone with their children?

Once he knows their reasoning, you two can move forward. If it’s financial, decide whether or not you want to afford it. Maybe your boyfriend will even split it with you.

But if his parents want to be alone with their kids, well, just let it go. You’re young and you’ll get to Hawaii another time. And if you two are in it for the long haul, this will just be a blip. Also, hopefully his parents will respect you even more for your understanding.

Dear Lisi: Quick question: How do I tell a girl I like her? I’m in 7th grade and she’s in 8th.

Middle School Madness Other than butterflies in your stomach when you see her, have you ever spoken with her? Do you know anything about her? Find ways to spend time together walk home together, if possible; join a club she’s in that interests you; try to eat lunch together. Become friends first, before you come out of nowhere and tell her you like her. That won’t end well.

FEEDBACK Regarding the creeped-out sister (Jan. 9):

Reader 1 — “I totally agree with the response, but not in the order presented. My first step would be to have a private chat with him. He may not even be aware that he’s staring, and/or that it makes you uncomfortable. And if need be, I would do this twice. At first, be light and casual. But the second time, you should be significantly more forceful.

“If step one fails, then I would make a comment in the open, not just at the dinner table. Even if you are all just sitting around, you could casually ask if there is something on you that is catching his attention.

“And I would repeat this every time it occurs.

“If he keeps doing it and you keep calling him out, your sister will become well aware, as will everyone else.”

Reader 2 — “You suggested the writer either make light of the situation or directly ask the person looking at her to stop. Good going: both options are viable.

“I would have offered the reader a third choice. I would have suggested she speak to her sister’s boyfriend privately, share her feelings about being watched, and ask for an explanation as to why he appears to regularly be looking at her. This way the facts of what is going on are on the surface.”

Lisi – Note: I like the third option offered.