Aging dad’s care causes rift between siblings

Dear Lisi: My dad is getting older, and my siblings and I have seen some changes in him that we don’t like. We agreed to pursue a program that we thought would at least be able to identify what is going on with him, if not make some positive headway. We approached our dad and he was all in.

My brother and I live in the same city as our dad, while our other sister is out of town. Since we must do all the legwork, she agreed that we two should be able to make decisions if we couldn’t get in contact with her on a timely basis.

The program seems to be less organized than what we had hoped. They have rescheduled his initial consultation three times over the past two months. We are worried because it is clear he is deteriorating.

Now our sister is angry with us because he called her and said we aren’t looking after him. He begged her to come to town to do what we, my brother and I, are incapable of accomplishing (his words, apparently). My brother is livid. And I feel caught in the middle. What should I do?

Family strife You know the truth, so hang on to that. I suggest inviting your sister to come and stay, and see for herself where your dad is at, mentally and physically, so she can see that both you and your brother are doing the best you can. In the meantime, talk your brother down. He’s probably projecting his frustrations with the situation on to your sister’s unfounded accusations. I’d be upset, too, if someone called me out on something that I was doing to the best of my ability.

Unfortunately, health care is out of our control. Just keep advocating for your dad, and perhaps investigate other programs, and other doctors, to get the ball rolling.

Dear Lisi: My sister and I go to the same high school, a few grades apart. She’s very tall and we look a lot alike, so people often ask if we’re twins. At times, it drove us nuts; other times, we used it to our advantage.

We both hate our school but like our friends. Neither of us are that social, so we don’t like the fact that our school is huge. Our classes are so big, and we only know a few people each.

Last week, we both woke up with a huge pimple on our nose. Literally, same side of the nose, same size pimple. Ridiculous. Neither of us have bad acne, but we’re both teenagers so pimples show up. But we’ve never had matching ones!

Now the whole school is making fun of us, calling us the Pimp Twins. Almost every class I’ve walked into over the past three days, people have laughed and pointed. It’s so embarrassing! I just quietly get angry, but my sister is in tears. How can I help her, and get everyone to leave us alone?

Teen Sibs

Teenage years, puberty, pimples and high school can make for a lethal combination for anyone. Watch that you aren’t eating too much sugar, fried or greasy foods, and that you are getting enough fruits and vegetables in your diet. What you eat shows on your face. Find products that help keep your face clean and diminish those pimples that emerge.

But most importantly, ignore the haters.

FEEDBACK Regarding the frustrated husband (Jan. 29):

Reader — “For some, myself included, it isn’t possible to ‘check (my) frustrations at the door.’ I admire people who can.

“I suggest you take a more ‘constructive’ approach to the parking issue on your street. Have you contacted your local councillor(s), regional chair, or mayor? She should suggest to her husband to let off his steam with them — through phone or email. If it’s so terrible, he could bring it up at each municipal election and VOTE!

“I believe that it’s because of low turnout at municipal elections that such issues are permitted to exist, and fester.

“This may be an issue that other neighbours are also complaining about. In that case, there is power in numbers, so get a group together.

“So, get ACTIVELY CONSTRUCTIVE and ‘let off steam’ where results can be achieved. NOT by being huffy and rude to your partner after a long day.”