Boyfriend needs to get himself organized

Dear Lisi: I don’t understand my boyfriend. We recently moved in together and it’s mostly great. We both work out of the house, and we often leave together. On our walk, we talk about our day, any plans we may have for later that day, and anything else on our minds. If we have a plan for that night, like dinner with friends, or a show, I usually call him later in the afternoon to discuss logistics.

But any other plans that we discuss, such as a vacation, or a wedding we’ve been invited to attend, or summer plans, all seem to go in one ear and out the other.

I am a very organized person: I use the calendar on my phone and plug in reminders, and I also have a paper calendar on the pinboard in our kitchen. It’s nearly impossible to not know when something is happening if I’ve marked it down, which I do religiously.

I’ve asked him if he has other ways of keeping track of his appointments. No. I asked him how he managed when we lived apart. Silence. That’s when I told him I wasn’t his mother and wouldn’t be making his appointments for him.

Now he’s mad at me for apparently making a big stink over nothing. But I’m mad at him for being unaccountable.

Organized chaos

I feel your pain. I have similar issues with different people in my family. Text your boyfriend to meet you after work for a drink. Text him the time and place. I’m certain he’ll show up. Once there, tell him how much you’re enjoying living together, but you see some areas that need work for continued partnership. Then explain what you would like: accountability and responsibility and discuss how together you can achieve that.

Then give him the chance to make a request from you if he has a legitimate grievance — not just tit-for-tat.

Backing up, if he doesn’t show up, you have a bigger problem.

FEEDBACK Regarding the family who moved out to the country (Feb. 20):

Reader — “Sounds odd. Why would a mother, nervous about driving at night and uneasy when she’s alone, move to a ‘remote’ house, far from all family? Especially when she has three children, including one with special needs, and a husband who is away every fourth week?

“It seems unlikely that there are more specialized programs for that child out there than in an urban area. And will a G.P., never mind specialists, be available? Most people I know who have moved to less urban areas have spent up to a year looking for a family doctor. It sounds as if she — and her husband — are trying to escape something. Maybe financial or marital problems, maybe stress and anxiety because of the child with challenges, that they imagine will disappear in a pastoral setting. This situation should definitely be watched by close family and friends.”