Friend doesn’t want to be a party pooper

Dear Lisi: Three friends, including me, are planning a party for a mutual friend. We’ve started a group chat and keep throwing out ideas. Any time one of them comes up with something that sounds good, they say, “Great! Can you investigate?”

We all work, two are married, one is expecting, and the party is for our friend’s birthday, which falls right before her wedding. We are ALL busy. No one is busier than the others. I’m not sure why they think I have all the time in the world to do their legwork.

I’ve said no in the chat, but they keep pushing and dumping. I’m getting really annoyed and we’re not moving forward. How can I get them to see me as equal?

Party Poopers Regain your composure by walking away from the chat. If you came up with ideas, for example, a delivery of flowers, or tickets to a show, price them out with options. Bring your information back to the chat and say, “Here’s what I’ve come up with. You guys?”

This will “force” them to step up and plan other aspects of the party, for example, food, drink, décor, etc.

If that doesn’t work, just be honest: You’re doing your share and you don’t have time to do theirs, too.

READER’S COMMENTARY Regarding the friend who is social and outgoing and can’t understand why her friend is so quiet around strangers, yet funny and personable around her (Feb. 12):

This sounds like a textbook example of an extroverted person who derives her energy from contact with others and an introverted person who derives energy from within, only opening up when comfortable.

Her quiet friend was probably frozen in social discomfort when the new couple began chatting and engaging with them. This is one of an introvert’s most feared social situations.

There are countless books and online resources which explain introversion and the author Susan Cain has some great material. Introversion is something that many people don’t understand, including introverts, and it’s fascinating to learn more about it.

Gaining an understanding of how introverts thrive, their hidden strengths and superpowers is something that is advantageous for employers, supervisors, teachers and especially good friends. A lifelong introvert

FEEDBACK Regarding the twins with matching pimples (March 18):

Reader — Acne is a medical condition and the common trope that it is caused by poor diet is incorrect.

The teens’ acne is the result of hormonal fluctuations and the bad luck to have the same pimple in the same spot. It’s that simple!