My incredible cross-border love story: a pandemic memoir

When I met Silvia on Hinge, I knew she was the one for me, even though she lived in upstate New York. Then Covid hit—and the borders closed

I moved from Montreal to Toronto at the end of 2017. I was just launching my business in cannabis PR and realized that Toronto was the place to be. Many friends told me how hard it was to date in Toronto, but I figured, There are three million people. It’s not going to be a problem. I figured wrong. I dated a bit, but I couldn’t find anyone who wanted the same things I did, who had their life together, who had a solid plan for their future.

I’ve dated both sexes in the past, and in the summer of 2019 I decided to change my Hinge settings to include women in my search results. In August, I got a like from Silvia Lopez. She had this nerdy librarian look with attitude. I was like, Oh yeah, I can get down with this. She was based in Rochester, but I figured that wasn’t too far away. We hit it off immediately. She was funny and thoughtful and an amazing listener. She told me she’d become a criminal defence lawyer to help people who’d been done dirty by the system. We discovered that we both love hiking, roadtripping and being by the water. We’re both recovering Catholics who grew up in semireligious families. The first time we spoke on the phone, it felt like we’d known each other for a lifetime.

We never talked about being in an official relationship. It just happened after a couple of months. I’d been single for five years by the time I met Silvia because I was waiting for somebody worth my time. I knew Silvia was that person.

In February, we finally found a weekend that worked for our schedules and planned to meet up in Niagara Falls. Silvia booked us a room at the Embassy Suites overlooking the falls. She drove up from Rochester and I took the GO train from Toronto. When I walked through the lobby doors, I saw her standing there, waiting. It felt like a scene out of a movie. She ran over and gave me a hug. I thought, Okay, this is my human.

As we were going up the elevator, Silvia told me she’d made sure there were two beds. It meant a lot to me that she didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable if the chemistry was off. But it was on. We had our first kiss just after lunch. It was amazing to finally express physically what I felt for Silvia emotionally. The chemistry between us was explosive.

We booked our next visit for the weekend of March 13. That was the week Covid was declared a pandemic, but Silvia and I were half-oblivious, living in our own little bubble. She came to Toronto and we had an amazing weekend. We began discussing the logistics of our relationship and how to bridge the gap between our respective cities. We even discussed the possibility of renting out a parking space in my building for Silvia’s visits. Shortly after she got home, the Canadian border closed.

I was devastated. I’d done long-distance before, but not without the option of seeing each other for who knows how long, and never across a border. And yet I’d never been in such a strong, committed relationship, despite the distance. Because we were separated, we couldn’t rely on the physical connection, so we were forced to rely on the verbal. We spoke on the phone every day, sometimes for as long as three hours, and we never ran out of things to say to each other.

Around July, I was losing hope that the borders would open, and we had no idea when we’d be able to see each other again. I brought up the possibility of opening up the relationship. Silvia was against the idea, but she was willing to consider taking a break so I could date other people. The idea of breaking up, even temporarily, was terrifying for me, which made me realize that Silvia was everything I could ask for. Those conversations were difficult, but they strengthened our relationship. They forced us to be honest with each other.

We’ve kept our romance alive in creative ways. I got her hooked on the CBC show Workin’ Moms, and every night, we would do Netflix Party sessions and watch a couple of episodes together, snuggling up in our own beds with popcorn and tea. We’ve done group Zoom calls to meet each other’s family and friends. And Silvia was there for me when my 91-year-old grandmother’s health declined. She entered palliative care, and died in late October. My extended family is still in Montreal, and it was heartbreaking to be separated from them. Silvia was on call at all hours to support me. Talking to her after a rough day made the chaos a little easier to handle.

Despite our separation, Silvia is a bigger part of my life than any other partner I’ve had. When the pandemic ends, I’m planning to move closer to the border, maybe to Hamilton or Stoney Creek, so we can easily travel back and forth. We’re also applying for an exemption from travel restrictions so Silvia can visit me. Until then, we’re sending good morning and goodnight texts every day. In a time when we’re all confronting our mortality, I’ve been forced to figure out what’s important in life. Silvia is it.

When I first saw Silvia, it was like a scene out of a movie. I thought, Okay, this is my human