Give the girl some leg room or move on
QI’m
a male, 24, dating a female, 27, who I met through an Internet dating service. She came a lot heavier than advertised — she’s two inches shorter than me but easily outweighs me. But I still found her attractive. Recently, we were watching TV and lounging, and I tried to out- muscle her. She was on her stomach, me lying on top; she curled her legs back and I tried to push them down. We ended up in a little struggle but she managed to beat me over and over. It got worse when she said I have leverage because I get to push down. So we reversed positions where she got to push down and I had to pull up, and she slammed my legs to the ground in two seconds! Okay, so I was embarrassed. I work out twice a week while I think her huge legs are mostly fat. Is it normal for me to feel so embarrassed? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Confused in Seattle AYou
should have advertised
that you were looking for someone with weaker legs than you. If that sounds ridiculously superficial, please notice you say nothing about whether you like this person, enjoy her company, find her smart, caring, etc. Yet you ARE attracted to her, so something is connecting between you. Focus on those positives . . . but if you continue to define her by her weight, do her a favour and move on. She doesn’t need your put- downs, she sounds happily comfortable with herself, enough to wrestle and win. Now ask yourself whether you’re secure enough to accept a strong- legged lady with a healthy competitive spirit. QMy
boyfriend and I were
discussing his work colleagues, who are all getting divorced. The wives left their husbands because their husbands are ambitious corporate- climbing workaholics who are travelling the world and don’t have time to spend with them. The wives took everything, e. g. big house, furniture, luxury cars, dogs, kids, etc. and left them with nothing. My boyfriend raised his voice and blurted out, “ If we ever get married and get divorced, I’ll take you to the cleaners and bankrupt you.” It’s left me wondering whether he truly loves me. If so, what does he love me for? If not, why is he sticking around? Startled ACash
in your cleaning ticket
and leave. His threat says it all: Whatever love he feels for you is so entangled with so much pride that he won’t separate the two when problems arise. If this were a casual, joking line from a guy with amusing dark humour, you’d know it. Instead, he’s upset you because you instinctively know he’s a Me- First guy who means this nasty warning. Those take- all wives weren’t all just born greedy; they’d had enough of being married alone and wanted something to show for years of taking the neglect. I say get out now and avoid the mess this guy is practically promising. QI’m
dating a guy I love, I’m
24 and he’s 26. We were happy, except sometimes he felt restrained and “ not done” with dating. This feeling usually occurred when he went to the bar with his friends, or met an attractive female. On our one- year anniversary he broke off with me because he wanted time alone and to date others. I was devastated. We still hung out and fooled around occasionally. I finally kept distant for a couple of months; during that time he dated a beautiful 20- year-old model. This made me feel worse. But she moved away and we started hanging out again. He seems really happy. Recently he said he emailed her, telling her he’s always loved me and he thinks that they should just be friends but not see one another for awhile, for my sake. But I’m afraid the same cycle will happen again. I know the pain I went through when we broke up. I’m worried about the othergirl factor. What should I do, Ellie? Should I give him another chance because I really love him and we’re so good together? Unsure AA
second chance can be
healthy after this break, showing more commitment from him and loving compassion from you. Of course you’re wary, but don’t let that translate into mistrust without cause. Give it your full effort once more, especially as he’s sending all the right signals, both to you and to her. ‰ Tip of the Day: Don’t compete with your loved one if you can’t take the consequences. Email: ellie@thestar.ca. Fax: 416814- 2797. Web: www.ellie.ca.