Beau’s potluck behaviour is last straw
QIrecently hosted a potluck dinner, all my guests brought a main dish. I prepared a decadent chocolate cake, along with drinks, hors d’oeuvres, etc. My boyfriend came empty- handed.
Before the guests arrived, he picked carrots from the vegetable platter, shrimps from the seafood casserole, and cut off a chunk of my cake. My guests and I are shocked by his classless behaviour. Later, he said proudly “ I will not change my bad habits.” I immediately ended our rocky, five- year relationship of fighting and revenge. How can I prevent the bad habits from happening with the next guy I meet and detect such awful traits from the beginning? Angry Hostess
is not that blind. No one hides
bad manners for five years; they get ignored too long. You were missing more
ALovethan a cake slice in this relationship but were too busy retaliating to recognize he was the wrong guy for you. Most people can learn better manners, if encouraged to do so in a loving relationship. When they dig in their heels, it’s a signal of a power struggle. Now that you know, there’s no reason to ever put on blinkers again.
QI’veredeveloped old feelings for a close friend. We never dated. I’d tried to start a more intimate relationship, which she rejected. We both went on to our own relationships, yet stayed friends and part of a close- knit group. Should I risk our friendship again, and possibly the whole group thing, to try to develop something more? If so, how? We’re both currently not dating anyone. Or, what do I do so I can let her go? We don’t talk regularly or meet up frequently. I don’t know if she’s developed more feelings for me. Can’t Let Go
go there. It’s an exercise in
self- pity and rejection to keep hanging on to this old memory. Trust me, if she were interested now, you’d get some hint. No doubt, you’ve already sent her that signal, and she hasn’t responded. You may be swimming in too small a pool by
ADon’tlooking for romance in this tight circle of friends. Expand your horizons by getting out to activities and interests that will help you meet new people and new possibilities of women to date.
was dating this guy for six months
— he seemed perfect and made efforts to make me and my son happy. He talked about marriage, and we signed for a house to be built. Then he began asking daily questions about my past, more and more perverted, about what I did and liked with others. He once text- messaged me for 12 hours at work. He’d ask me to throw away underwear, shoes, books etc. that might’ve come in contact with my “ dirty” situations. He said he couldn’t trust me.
Ellie, I’d told him about four guys — one I’d dated five years, another was my son’s father. Yet he said I slept around and finally he ended it. He keeps calling and orders me to not meet other guys. He’s got obsessive compulsive disorder ( OCD) — constant awareness of contamination or cleaning his hands. But denies it’s the cause of our problems. He said that he can’t get over my past. I know he’s treating me badly, but I love him and can’t bring myself out of this. I think he needs me but he doesn’t want a commitment,
QIALuckyyet he doesn’t want me to be in a relationship. My Fault? you, it’s over and should stay that way. You hooked a guy with problems beyond your help, and he’s hooked you on neediness, guilt, and a codependency dynamic that will drag both of you down. This is so unhealthy for you both, and for your son. This guy knows he has a disorder and needs professional treatment for it. His OCD has gone beyond performing obsessive rituals to disturbing worries that he’s consigned to and about you. It’s common to people with OCD that, without treatment, they often develop relationship problems and frequent stress. He should be under the care of a specialist in cognitive behavioural therapy. Your best part in this is to remove yourself from the picture: Do not answer his calls or respond to his text messages. This isn’t about your past, so stop beating yourself up about it, and focus on a healthier future. Move on.
Tip of the Day: When two people’s habits collide instead of adjusting to each other, it’s a relationship headed for combustion. Email: ellie@thestar.ca.