Finding the fortitude to move on
UNITED WAY
What began as a dream marriage, complete with a wedding fit for royalty and a promising future, quickly turned into a nightmare for Viresh Mathur.
It may have escalated even more if not for help from South Asian Family Support Services, said the 41- year-old financial consultant and insurance broker, who spoke openly about the trials and tribulations of his illfated arranged marriage. The crux of the problem was that life in Canada didn’t measure up to the expectations of his Indian wife, Mathur said. He comes from a long line of distinguished lawyers, and she expected that her new husband enjoyed the same prominence, privilege and wealth as his family back in India.
“ When faced with reality that the family fortune wasn’t in the cards, she got violent,” Mathur said frankly.
Although the couple were both born in India, they were from very different worlds when they married. Mathur had come to Canada with his parents in 1969 and grew up in Toronto, while his wife was raised in India.
Sadly, their worlds collided.
“ The relationship was very difficult,” Mathur said of the eightmonth marriage, adding it got so bad, police were eventually called to intervene. To help them resolve their domestic problems, police took the couple to the South Asian support group for counselling.
Turning to strangers to resolve family matters isn’t how most South Asians deal with trouble at home, Mathur said. But going to SAFSS, one of 200 agencies supported by the United Way of Greater Toronto, was the best thing that could have happened.
“ Counselling helped bring issues into the open,” Mathur said, adding he’d hoped their marital problems could be sorted out. “ Unfortunately, we couldn’t reconcile our differences. Ultimately, my wife was charged with assault. After that, we separated and that led to divorce.” She later returned to India.
It didn’t save the marriage, but counselling made a huge difference for Mathur, who said SAFSS was a much-needed safety net when he needed it most.
It’s why he made a commitment to work with the agency and get the message out to others in the South Asian community that help is there if they need it. For the past six years, he’s also been a member of the United Way’s South Asian Advisory Council, raising awareness about programs and services.
“I’m reaching out to show members of the South Asian community they are not alone and there’s no shame in seeking help,” he said.
Mathur’s commitment to the cause goes beyond volunteer work. The owner of Blue Umbrella Financial, he’s a longtime United Way donor. This year, he’s pledged $ 10,000, an endowment to be paid in instalments to the United Way’s Tomorrow Fund.
Without United Way support, “ my life would have been very different,” Mathur said. The goal for this year’s United Way campaign is $ 94.5 million. How to donate: www.unitedwaytoronto. For gifts of securities, call Lisa Zaccaglino, 416- 777- 2001, ext. 325, or click on Donate online. For gifts of kind, call 416-359- 2063.